Fear of SIDS literally keeping me up at night, any suggestions for a new dad?

My wife and I had our first 7 months ago, and I have been having a hard time dealing with anxiety related to SIDS. It's gotten worse, not better, the older he gets. I find myself studying the monitor looking for signs of movement. If too much time passes I creep into his room just to make sure I can hear him breathing. I was talking to my wife the other day (she works 3rd shift in the ER and NICU) and was asking her if she knew if we could get heart monitors for home usage, and she looked at me like I was joking so I played it off, but I was seriously asking after a particularly anxious day watching the baby alone where he slept so deeply I couldn't relax. Pretty much the total opposite of what I would think as normal. He's starting to sleep almost entirely through the night now, which you'd think would give a new, sleep-deprived dad relief...but I find myself unable to actually relax enough to fall asleep until I'm so exhausted I physically cannot stay awake, falling asleep with my glasses on, propped up on one arm, watching the baby monitor on my bedside table, and every little noise he makes drags me out of sleep instantly. I have a CPAP machine that I'm afraid to wear when my wife is at work because I'm afraid he's going to start choking and I won't hear it over the sound of air through my mask.​I just can't stop worrying that I'm going to lose him to SIDS. It's not to the point where it's preventing me from getting work done or, you know, functioning as a human being, but anytime I'm not focused on some particular goal or task, and my mind has time to wander, if the baby's asleep, I immediately start thinking about SIDS. It'll take my breath away, just the thought. I don't know what I would do if something happened. I think it would literally drive me insane, not metaphorically, not being hyperbolic...like actual catatonia.​Rationally, I know I can't be the only person that's had these feelings after becoming a new parent. I just need some advice on how to stop worrying so much, and what other's that have been through this did to get through it. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2pA2YOM