I love my child but I don’t like her

Parenting is hard. But for me it just seems it’s extra hard. My 10 year old daughter is hard to deal with. She’s super emotional and these days is trying to get my attention in weird ways. Like saying she wants to kill herself. For example there was an incident last week when she thought I was going to pick her up early from school and I didn’t and she made a huge deal out of it. She cried uncontrollably and said things like ‘how could she do this to me’ ‘I want to hurt myself’ ‘I want to kill my self’ etc. It shocked me to no end and I don’t know how to deal with it. She told her therapist that I don’t spend enough time with her and that she’s always homesick when she’s in school. The weird thing is that when she’s home I try to incorporate her in activities and do stuff with her. She walks away and only wants to be on her device to play games and watch movies. She doesn’t want to spend time with me which isn’t congruent to what she tells her therapist. I don’t get it. Why would she say things like ‘I want to kill myself’? What am I doing wrong.I hate to say this but when I am hanging out with her my heart isn’t in it. I’m so paranoid about anything I say because I don’t know how she will interpret it in her head and she’ll get upset. I feel lost. I don’t like her very much because of this and her company isn’t enjoyable. I feel like a horrible parent saying this cuz I think parents all like their kids and love spending time with them. I actually don’t like it. She’s so complicated. Maybe she senses I don’t like her?Anyone else go through this? What can I do to be a better mom? How can I help her deal with her emotions? I’m so scared that she will hurt herself. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2xAjBP0