Parenting and the language of blame

I vowed that I would raise my kids to be self confident, something I struggled with for a long time. It took me 37 years to unravel the root of my lack of self confidence. My parents often used, and still use, the language of blame for everyday situations.If the baby is crying, it's "what did you do to make her cry?"If my 4yo stubs his toe, it's "you have to be more careful."If my 2yo doesn't eat much for dinner, it's "I should have made x instead of y."If my husband throws out his back, it's "what did you do to him?"The last one was said as a joke, but you get the idea. Hearing this often enough makes a person feel responsible for all the little things that can go wrong in a day. Even though my parents often blamed themselves.My parents aren't bad people. It's just how their parents spoke to, and around, them. So that's how they learned to speak. And it's a way of exerting control in a world that is often out of your control. If you could just be more careful, you won't get hurt. If I could better anticipate what you want to eat, you'd have a good (ie, big) dinner.I didn't realize I was doing it too until my husband called it out. He told me during an argument that he felt like I blamed him for everything that bothered me, regardless of whether it involved our relationship. I took a step back. That was a lightbulb moment for me.Fortunately, our kids are still very young and I've made a conscious effort to avoid the language of blame. Not only does it undermine my husband as their parent, it undermines their sense of worth. Here's to hoping they grow up strong and knowing their self worth. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2M1ayLG