I don't know what my son wants and I want to leave

My son is 6 months old. For a bit of background, I have a history of depression, anxiety and tiredness and it took us 4 years for me to get pregnant. I'm also now 7 weeks pregnant (which we wanted).People tell me my son is a good baby. But when I'm by myself with him he just grumbles all the time. I can't get anything done because if I try he wants my attention. He has no hunger cues until suddenly he starts screaming for a bottle. I try feeding every 3 hours to combat this but he either won't drink much or screams for a bottle at 2h30.Lately things have got worse. He doesn't want to be laid down for a nap or he screams and screams, so I have to rock him to sleep. If I try to put him down when he's asleep he wakes up and screams. I have a bad back and he's 23lb. Carrying him hurts like hell. He won't let me sit down and rock him. I have to be standing.When I cuddle him to comfort him he pulls my hair, which really hurts and I try so hard to not snap at him.The last few days he's grumbling all the time. I don't really know how to describe the noise. It's almost like a woman in labour grunting at the pushing stage. Nnnnnnnnnnggg. Nothing I do works.Honestly I can't take it. I want out one way or another. But I don't want to hurt people either. Honestly I think the only thing stopping me offing myself is that I'm pregnant.I've had loads of CBT, I'm on antidepressants. None of that helps. I just want to know what my son wants. I'm too tired to think of ways to entertain him constantly, which doesn't always work anyway, and my back hurts too much to carrying him round.I don't know why I'm posting this. No one can help. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself I make an awful mum and to not have children.I don't think I like or love him any more. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2JYKLXS