Stuck between wife and day-care

My wife and I have a 2y4m old boy. He goes to a in-home daycare where one lady watches 8 kids. The day care lady told us up front that she had a specific way of potty training...kinda old school way that really doesn’t let you attempt until probably 3 or so(they have to be able to: pull down pants/ pull-ups and get on an adult toilet. Then if they can stay dry with pull ups for 3 weeks we can attempt underwear.My wife has been reading about earlier training, and really wanted to start now with our son. So we did. He is showing interest, but does lack fine motor-skills to independently do everything. That being said, He has been doing really good (at home) with initiating going to the bathroom. We have been going commando or pant less(day care requires pull-ups) and it seems to be working. We use a stool and toilet seat cover, daycare doesn’t use any of that.I’m sure you see where this is going. It’s been a week. Our day care provider is insistent that our son is too young and we need to give it a rest. She also states that he is ‘hysterical’ when they try. It sounds like maybe she isn’t helping him at all and only offering verbal cues, which may be frustrating. Furthermore, I worry if she is convinced that this is a fools-errand she may be less then polite about it(speculation).My wife has been getting upset with the provider and thinks she is talking down to her. The reality is that they both believe to separate realities and lack the ability to communicate that with each other. I don’t have much of an opinion, We’re making progress, but I’m also OK with delaying this for a few months. I haven’t been convinced of the importance of early bath-rooming yet, and am not sure if I buy into the whole ‘if you don’t do it young, you’ll be battling it all the way up until pre-K’ theory. Publicly, I’m standing with my wife, but I’m not sure what to do here. This day care is 100-200 a week cheaper then where we’ll end up looking if we decide to leave, but I also get a little curious about the provider when she states our otherwise happy son becomes hysterical during bathroom time.I suppose my questions would be: 1.)Should we shop around for other day-cares? 2.)How should I approach my wife and the provider? Pickup is getting more and more awkward.Thank you ya’ll! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2knhM3x