My son was diagnosed with Autism last November when he was 2 (he's 3 now). He's mostly nonverbal which was my biggest concern initially. For the first few months, I was devestated, bouts of crying, endless racing thoughts of how to help him, am I making the right decisions, what does his future look like, will he have friends, will kids be mean to him? Then I went through a bit of an angry stage where I didn't want to go to the park, pool, kids birthday parties, or see any of my friends babies. I couldn't stop comparing other kids to my son. It was not my proudest moment. Since then I've just been horribly depressed. His father is rattled too but he seems to be handling it so much better than I am. I feel like I can't see the shift where I have accepted this and move forward to make the best family memories we can. I just feel stuck, I feel like there will never be a day that behind my smiling face my brain is overcast with grief. I am not suicidal just to clarify, I would never leave him without me to be his voice, but I just feel like none of this is getting any easier for me the way people have told me it will. Has it just not been long enough? Is it the constant reminders everyday that he has Autism. There isn't a day that passes that I say to myself "I almost forgot for a minute."Did it ever take anyone else a long time to accept the different life your were going to live?The real question, and the reason I'm on Reddit bc I would never want to admit this to anyone, but how do I ever stop feeling bad about thinking about the boy he would have been? The conversations we would have had, and all the things people plan to do with their boys that now I won't know if I'll be able to do with him.I know it could be so much worse, I do, I just feel so much pain for him. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2xJGjp0
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