My son is 3 years old. He is on the spectrum. My husband and I do not agree on how to raise him and we really need help.First of all, no amount of rewards or punishment work. I have tried giving him stickers for good behavior and a chart. I have made sure to praise him for good behavior. Time outs do not work. Time ins do not work. 1-2-3 magic does not work. Taking away toys does not work. Yelling obviously doesn't work. I tried spanking him once because he hurt his baby sister and he just laughed at me. If I raise my voice he just smiles and has this look of utter hatred towards me. Most days I just break down and cry and beg him to listen to me and he does not care. He has never shown emotion whenever anyone is upset.I am a stay at home mom. My husband works normal hours, Mon-Fri. My husband cannot stand being around our son. He just gets too easily frustrated and will go onto his computer and put headphones on. My husband cannot handle our son crying and will literally say that "he feels sick at the sound of son crying."The other day my son smacked the baby as hard as he could in the head, and my husband pushed my son to the ground, which upset our son obviously. I got very upset and told him that hitting our son for hitting does not accomplish anything. My husband got very angry and began screaming at me in front of our son, telling me that "I have the mentality of a teenager" and that "I am a lazy bitch who does not contribute." Even though I am the only one that cooks, cleans, and cares for the children. My husband will play with the kids occasionally, but he doesn't change diapers or actually care for the kids. I am responsible for everything. This is causing me to have panic attacks daily and I am beginning to crack from the stress. Having an out of control toddler that doesn't listen and doesn't respond to anything that I have tried, a nursing infant, and an unsupportive husband is really draining me. I am nauseous and irritable from the stress all day long. I have a hairline trigger because I just cannot handle this anymore. Maybe that makes me weak, but I just feel utterly alone. I have no family and no friends. I never leave the house. I am chained to my children and to a man that does not love me.Back to my son. His poor baby sister never gets to sleep. My son is constantly screaming. An ear piercing, high pitched scream all day every day. He does not respond to affection and I cannot calm him down. If he is quiet, he will purposefully wake the baby by making noise and bothering her. He is constantly smacking her, squeezing her, hurting her on purpose. Nothing I do makes him stop. I feel like I cannot properly take care of our daughter because I am trying to control our son. Too often she is left alone to cry because I have to stop our son from destroying everything that we own. He doesn't play with toys, he destroys them. He destroys everything.I honestly thought that it was an attention thing. Like he felt neglected because of the baby. But I make sure to praise him and spend one on one time with him, and it is not helping.Right now we are in the middle of a power struggle with sleep. He still needs a nap. He wakes up at 6 am and will not go to sleep until 9pm. He needs the nap still. He was in a crib until 2 weeks ago. I felt like 3 years old was way too old to still be in a crib and I made the stupid decision to transition him to a toddler bed. The first night was great. Every day after that has been pure hell. He is constantly getting up and will not calm down. He refuses to nap and is just running around laughing and will not fucking go to sleep. I thought maybe he was dropping his nap and needed an earlier bedtime. Nope. His bedtime routine is always at 6:30. Bedtime by 7:30. I tried doing it earlier but it is always the same. He takes at least two hours to go to bed. In his crib, he would just lay there until he fell asleep. But with the bed, he is just getting up constantly with full energy, no matter what time he goes to bed. The problem is that we do not agree on how to handle this. My husband thinks that yelling at him and putting him back into his bed over and over again is the solution. I think that ignoring him is the solution. Truth is, neither works. Nothing works. Even putting him into his bed without saying anything doesn't work. He figured out the doorknob locks and the baby gate. I just think he needs to go back in his crib because this just isn't working out. He gets up super early, but will then cry and say he is tired. My husband is getting very angry about this because he is the one who has to deal with it because I am usually nursing the baby. I don't know what to do anymore.The stress of all of this is making me really resent my son. I think awful thoughts, like how I wish I never had him. I wish that I just had my daughter. I am not the right parent for my son because I have no idea what to do or how to control him. He is just so defiant and unresponsive to everything. Preschool is not an option because we cannot afford it. I would need to work, which would involve putting both kids in daycare.Truthfully, I think that I am just a shit mom who cannot handle her own kid. I am so alone in this and I need help. Please, someone help me before I screw up my son for life. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2vnFYY4
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