I'm so sad for my little boy. I knew this day was coming, since we've all experienced this and our kids all inevitably experience this, but I wish the world wasn't like this. My husband and I have never forced any gender stereotypes on our son, and as a result my son freely enjoys both feminine and masculine things. He loves Captain America, Link (legend of zelda), Iron Man, Batman, etc, but he also loves Moana, Barbie, Wonder Woman, and anything that is bright and sparklie. His favorite color is purple and he will generally gravitate towards stuff that is loudly colored and happy. At the beginning of the summer we bought some gold glittery slip on loafers with neon orange lining that he wanted from Target. I knew that he might run into this issue but I wasn't going to be the one to tell him "you can't wear these because you're a boy."All throughout summer camp the other kids loved his shoes. One of the girls in the class went out and bought some for herself and they enjoyed having the same shoes together.Well he started TK this year (transitional kindergarten... basically California's version of pre-k but provided by the public school system at the public school). He had only chosen to wear his sparkle shoes once since he started school about two weeks ago, so this morning I suggested he wear them. They're very comfy. He told me he didn't want to wear them because other kids told him they were for girls. I asked him to elaborate and he said that if he wears them then he is a girl so he didn't want to wear them. This made me super sad. I told him I would not make him wear anything he didn't want to wear, but those kids were wrong. Boys can wear sparklie shoes too. Nobody "owns" sparkles.We got into the car and I picked up our 7 year old neighbor on the way to the school bus stop. From the back seat, my son brought up the shoes, telling our neighbor that he wouldn't wear them because other kids said that they were for girls. "I'm a boy. I'm not a girl." he said with frustration. I watched the 7 year old's reaction from the rear view mirror. I was really curious what an older boy would say to this. "That's dumb." he said. "When we go to attend weddings, I get to wear the coolest sparkliest shoes and clothes. I'm not a girl." I might mention my neighbor is Indian, and he seemed very offended by the idea that a boy couldn't wear something sparklie. Thank god for him!I usually make my son ride right behind the bus driver on the way to school but I let him sit next to our neighbor today.I know this won't be the last time something like this happens, and I feel partially to blame because my husband and I haven't forced any stereotypes on him just yet. When we play games, sometimes he likes to be the girl character, and so far we've never discouraged this. Sometimes he likes to be Captain America, but sometimes he also wants to be Wonder Woman. He received a Batman mask for his birthday this year, and he gave it to me and told me that I am Batman, and he is Wonder Woman. When we go swimming he likes to be Moana, and usually I am the pig or Maui. I worry about how to handle this when he starts hanging out regularly with other boys. Because we have never discouraged him choosing to play as a female heroine instead of a male hero, that he will be mocked and made fun of for it when the boys want to be super heros and he decides to be Wonder Woman.My dad would probably say that we're raising a pussy, but my husband and I are not really wanting to subscribe to that hyper masculine shit. My husband is a hairy barrel chested bearded dude with long hair who rides motorcycles, so it isn't like there is a shortage of masculine influence in this household. I don't know what the right choice is here. Do I begin to gently discourage this sort of play so that I can save him from the world doing it to him, or do I just let it play out?It makes me sad I have to post this here at all. :( Feminism has come a long way but we still have so much work to do. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2D67u1f
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