Worried about my daughter and wife.

My almost 6yo daughter is showing a lot of defiance right now. Refusing to do what she's asked, crossing her eyes and frowning, never expressing any gratitude or even a moment's consideration for others. She entered kindergarten a couple months ago so is going through a transition, and we have a 2yo toddler so she's had a couple years of having to come second. She's also just strong willed and wants what she wants.These behaviors aren't a real problem for me. I have a commanding presence and I manage to cut through my daughter's tantrums and generally spin her back into a good orbit. When I'm not coming down hard on her I'm very affectionate and we generally have a fun and warm relationship.My wife is very different - quiet, compassionate and open hearted. She isn't having any fun dealing with a child who defies her openly. And she doesn't have a commanding presence she can fall back on. Our daughter and her strong will run amok over this, sometimes screaming at mom and calling her names.The two of them have gotten to a bad place. Mom frowns a lot and when I ask her what's wrong she doesn't say that the kid is exhibiting defiance or failing to control her emotions. She says "she's being a total twat to me again." I feel like things have been dysfunctional for long enough that she's taking it personally now and not looking at it as "6yo being defiant." It doesn't help that daughter does show me respect but not mom.When we've spoken to daughter together, daughter literally asks mom to be more commanding like me. I am concerned that I have calibrated her for a commanding style that my wife doesn't have in her.Mom just keeps coming back with compassion and giving. She took the kid out of daycare to spend more time with her and try to turn this around. But it's only gotten worse. Mom is bitter that her compassion is ill rewarded. Daughter just doesn't get it. We ask her why she can't respect her mom more and she just stands there stony faced.What can we try to make things different? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2xPQiXI