Hi, I'm looking for help and/or suggestions from this community. I'm admittedly new to the whole (step) parenting thing, so I'll try to fill in as much of the details as I can and hopefully, get some good advice. I'll apologize in advance for being wordy, but I feel like the details are relevant.I'm a successful business owner. A little over three years ago, a mutual acquaintance reunited me and the woman who would go on to become my current fiance by asking us over for dinner. We hit it off great. I had been divorced for about 4 years and was only casually dating in the years since and she had been divorced for about 7 years (her ex left while she was pregnant with her son). She was living with her parents at the time with her son, who only casually saw his birth father. I lived on my own in a house I owned. She was unemployed (aside from a seasonal job at a florist) and going to school for her masters in education. We lived about an hour apart and saw each other frequently over the first year as casual dating turned a bit more serious. It wasn't for several months before I even met her son. She had talked him up a lot before me met (he's so smart, I'm so strict with him, he's a lot like you, etc..) which would be expected. Once I got to know him more through hanging out, it became very clear to me that he had self-control issues, a food obsession and often used manipulation as a method of getting his way (or food or whatever). I understand that some of these issues are common for children, despite having no real direct experience with kids other than my nephew, so I sort of took it in stride.Fast forward another year and I get to know the child much better and understand him more and see a lot of his behavior on a regular basis. It's very clear that he's obsessed with food. He consistently asks for seconds at every meal, watches the clock constantly (as it relates to snacks or meals, but not bedtime or anything like that) and when we go out to eat, he orders food based on volume first and what it is second. Meals become this ongoing negotiation about how he can get more. He regularly woke up early (5am) at her parents' house and would help himself to breakfast and then eat a second breakfast when the family was up. I was met with a very defensive attitude when I brought it up to my SO. He was overweight. He was obsessed with food and everyone in that house was enabling it.After some rough patches and many, many conversations, she decided to take steps to restrict his intake and limit portions and control his eating. It was met with immediate opposition from him. This went on for quite some time, but then seemed to get a little better.Time wore on and being an hour apart was becoming a strain on our relationship. Last August, we moved in together (she moved into my home with her son). They moved from a very rural environment into an urban setting and she had (understandable) reservations about him going from the school he was in to a school in the city. I understood them, but I had hoped that maybe the environment would help him mature and grow up and maybe some social pressure would help him in his development.I agreed that I would support them and she could continue not working and go to school. In exchange, she would mind the home and take care of the food shopping and things like that. During the first few months of living in my home, he trimmed up significantly. We didn't have junk food in the house, which was always readily available at her parents' home and we went out to eat very, very infrequently (partially because I prefer to eat healthy at home and partially because her son made going out to eat unenjoyable). During that time, I also taught him to ride a bicycle and put an emphasis on healthy living and exercise while doing my best not to give the kid some kind of body image problem or calling him fat or anything like that. He wasn't allowed to help himself to food of any kind and portions at meals were controlled and, at least superficially, I thought things were getting better. Also, if it seemed like this was all my doing, it wasn't. His mother was on board with all this and we discussed it often and she is also an advocate of healthy eating and goes to a personal trainer. So it wasn't me ruling with some iron fist. It was a mutual discussion.I travel a lot for work and I had noticed over the months that he was putting on weight and when I asked her if anything had changed, she said no. Turns out he was eating breakfast at the house before he went to school and then eating breakfast at school (it's provided for free).He got called out on that and now everything is full bore just as bad at is ever was. His very first words to his mother every morning is to ask for breakfast. He watched shows about food on TV (it's not all he watches, but he watches a lot of it). He constantly asks for snacks. He always asks for seconds at meals.His food obsession is, quite literally, the biggest point of contention between his mother and I. Of course, we're not a perfect couple, but his food thing (and, in general, lack of self control) is the thing we discuss the most that leads to arguments. She's very defensive of it.I desperately want to be proud of this kid. I want some ownership in the man he will become. But I feel like there's no part of me in him. He doesn't like being outdoors. I guess this is typical of kids nowadays, but all he wants to do is sit in front of the TV and eat. I'm trying very hard not to be a "back-in-my-day" type of guy, but it's very difficult. It's impossible for us to form any real connection because unless I choose to engage in things he wants to do (watch TV shows about food, play video games, or go out to eat) there's almost no engagement. His mother wants me to engage him more, but I feel like there's nothing there. There's also an underlying element of me feeling like she coddles him too much (he still has a blanket and needs a night light).I could go on and on, and there's more to the story, but I'd be very appreciative of any kind of feedback, suggestions or help and insight anyone could provide. I had a strict upbringing and my childhood was very different from what he's experienced. I have no experience with kids and none of my close friends have children, so I have no sounding board. I suppose I could be described as a man's man. I'm not saying the kid has to be rebuilding carburetors in his free time, but I'd like to see him show interest in something other than food. Help! via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2geZBZz
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