I'll try to do the cliff notes version:Child born 2007 Mother and I split 2008. We have joint custody and placement. Realistically though, he spends about 50% time at my house, 30% at his mothers and 20% at his maternal grandmothers Since then, I've moved a total of 3 times, owned my own home with my now wife (step mom) since 2014.Mother has moved 19 times since 2008. Currently owns her own home (bought a $20,000 'as is' estate sale home), is in a state of disrepair (basis for my question).When she first moved into her home, she had a live in boyfriend and a roommate. My son slept on a blanket in the dining room. Roommate moved out, my son got his own room, but still no bed. I offered to buy a bed for her home if she couldn't afford it so my son didn't need to sleep on the floor, but she bought one instead.There is now a new roommate, so my sons bed was moved into his mothers room. He shares a bed with her on some of the nights that he's there, unless her boyfriend is spending the night, in which case he sleeps in his own bed - but they have to clean stuff off it as she uses it for storage when he's not home.His mom started a bathroom remodel 'about two months ago' and they currently have no tub/shower, bathroom sink, or washer and dryer. His maternal grandmother occasionally grabs his clothes and washes them at her house. He has no place to brush his teeth or wash his hands after utilizing the bathroom because the only sink left in the house is the kitchen sink which is 'always filled with dirty dishes'My son is also a bed wetter, and as he is embarrassed about it, hides and lies about it. At our house we do morning checks to see if laundry needs to be done and if he needs to bathe before school. This doesn't, nor could, happen at his moms as there is no way to clean his body or bedding, so he sleeps in dirty bedding, and has dried urine on himself for days. He see's this as normal, and doesn't care.I spoke with his maternal grandmother the other night, and she says she is appalled at the living condition, the new roommate has a dog that leaves feces all over the house, but no one cleans it up.This is just the latest in a long line of issues (Seriously, I have 15 pages of notes of living situation changes, hygiene concerns, and concerns of her taking his ADHD medicine) - they've lived in hotels, campers, tents, etc, my son knew how to 'sponge bath' in a gas station bathroom, because they had no working bathroom (a running theme it seems) and almost every member of her family has mentioned social services at one point or the other, but when asked, always says they wont speak to social services against their family member, and would lie to protect her.How do I report her to social services, without making life more difficult for my son? Is it even worth it, or is Social Services basically a joke that won't do much to improve his living situation? I know she'll know I was the one to report, and will do everything she can to make life difficult for myself and our son, and theres the possibility that nothing will change?I talked to a friend that's a social worker a few years ago, and they advised that it wasn't worth making a report as social services was so back logged due to the opiod crisis that a dirty home with a non functioning bathroom was so low on the priority list, that nothing would be done beyond stirring up shit between his mother and I, and he'd ultimately be the one to suffer. She pointed out that the state defines neglect as(12g) “Neglect" means failure, refusal or inability on the part of a caregiver, for reasons other than poverty, to provide necessary care, food, clothing, medical or dental care or shelter so as to seriously endanger the physical health of the child.While my wife and I are able to take him full time, and would love to give him a full childhood without the struggles he's had, I know Social Services won't take him away from her, nor do I want her out of his life, I just want him to not have to live the life he is half the time. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2yIZtJD
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