I am going to try and summarize my past and explain the present, so apologies on the wall of text.I (F27) am divorced, I have a son (M7) my ex is (M29)I was with my ex for 7 years. We got pregnant immediately after dating for a month. Our 7 year relationship was abusive (on his part) and extremely manipulative. I dealt with physical assaults every 6 months or so, constant daily belittling, name calling, gaslighting and insults. My ex went to jail for selling drugs for 6 months when our son was 6 months old. My ex is very good at "playing the part." He is charming, smart, funny, and puts on a good appearance of being put together. I divorced him about 2 years ago, by the time I filed for divorce i was so depressed and beaten down that I wasn't thinking clearly. He told me that if I didn't agree to 50/50 custody he would fight me in court so long that I would go bankrupt and never see my son again. (His family is very wealthy) After the legal divorce we tried to stay together for about another year, when his abuse didn't stop I got my own apartment left him for good. I got 1/3 of the equity in our home. I have a really amazing full time job and I work from home.Our son's entire life I have done 99% of the parenting. Every Drs appointment, every school activity, reading him a book every night before bed, listening to him, playing with him, planning play dates, planned every birthday party. School shopping, gift wrapping, laundry. Cooking and cleaning. I worked full time and did all of the home care taking and child care taking alone until I divorced my husband. (And obviously I do it alone now that I'm single.) I have proof of this in Drs records and stuff. My signature is on everything. My ex had never taken him to the doctor. He misses parent teacher conferences last year.Our custody arrangement is one week with me, then one at dad's and so on back and forth.With my Ex being abusive to me for 7 years, it is literally impossible to speak about our son with him. He puts on a show of being superdad but my son comes home from his dad's sad. He says his dad has a girlfriend who stays over every night, and that his dad doesn't listen to him or spend time with him. Today the school called and said my son was in the Nurses office with an earache he's had for 3 days. I picked up my son and took him to the dr, they said it was a bad ear infection and possibly strep. His dad said "he seemed perfectly fine." My son comes home from his dads saying he wishes he could stay with me more, but his dad tells him no. He tells me that he's afraid to talk to his dad, he tells me his dad gaslights him (he doesn't say "gaslight" but he tells me that his dad tells him "he remembers stuff wrong") My ex makes my son wear the exact same clothes he leaves my house in back to my house, he will not allow my son to wear any of the clothes he buys him over to my house. My son says it's "one of his dad's rules"For my ex it's all about being in control. He wants to have his son 50% of the time to show he is in control, and that he is a "good dad" to other people. However I still do most of the parental activities.My attorney has told me the only way to change a 50/50 custody arrangement is if his dad fucks up bad enough for me to take custody (DUI or something) or if his dad agrees to changing it.So I am stuck. I am sharing my child with a psychopath who will not co parent. I can't talk to him about parenting issues. I have no control of what happens at his house. I don't know if my son is upset or scared or anything until I get him at the beginning of my week. I can tell from what my son says that my ex husband is emotionally and mentally hurting him like he did to me. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless and my heart hurts for my son. Any advice is welcome. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2xnT2gP
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