Feeling like a failure.

I hope this is okay, I just need to talk to a group that may understand.My electricity gets shut off tomorrow.I have a one year old baby. He was fully planned, been married for years. Had plans. Had it all worked out. I had a private sitter to watch him so I could return to work, bc I had very specific hours. He wouldn’t be in daycare all day, it was affordable, we could make it work.Went on maternity leave, and when my time ran out I spoke to my job about returning. They had eliminated my position. But, by law, the offered me a doffeeent position. That had drastically different hours. I couldn’t take it. I had no sitter for those hours. I couldn’t afford the $300+ a week for a daycare with regular hours. So I had to decline.Because I technically turned down a job, I was disqualified for unemployment. I live in Los Angeles. No family. Very few local friends. No mom friends at all.So, while I have this amazing little baby boy who I wouldn’t trade for anything, I’ve spent the last year robbing Peter to pay Paul. I’ve gotten some online work but not making much. Bc of my husbands hours, and not being regular, I’m unable to get a part time job when he is off work. We make less than $100 too much a month to qualify for ANY assistance. I tried appealing it. Was turned down anyhow.It’s been a year of stress. A year of “is my car going to be there when I wake up?” A year of “if I don’t eat breakfast or lunch today, I can save this food for dinner.” A year of not having the money to wash clothes. Not BUYING new clothes. Scrimping to buy baby food. Paying for gas in pennies. But through all that, I’ve managed to keep everything afloat.But not now. The electric company just wouldn’t work with me anymore. And I guess I understand. They can only do so much. But I feel like this massive failure. My husband works as much as he can, and he has a sporadic second job he can do when he’s off. And he just applied for a new job. It comes with an amazing raise. A raise that will cover all the bills. One that will put food on the table DAILY. But he won’t know for weeks. But he has a great chance So it’s a possibly amazing thing.And yet... tomorrow, my baby will be somewhere with no power. And since it’ll be turned off, I’ll have to pay the entire thing (more than my husbands biweekly check) to have it turned back on. I have no where to get the money. No one to ask. I applied for all the assistance’s. Contacted churches. I did what I could. And yet, nothing.I feel like people constantly do things wrong. They scam the government. Or lie about things to get asssuatance. Or things handed to them. But we always try to do what’s right and it seems like we get the short end of the stick. I feel like I’ve failed my little guy. I feel like he doesn’t deserve this. I feel like I just want things to get better. I want to be okay. I don’t want to be sad all day and wondering. I just want things to go right for once.I just wanted to talk and maybe hear some words of kindness or positive stories.Thank you for reading. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2yAer4p