My boyfriend and I have been best friends for over 15 years and have been seriously dating for about a year.He has three kids, I have three kids. I was apprehensive at first but he keeps assuring us that we can make this work, and we have. He's a wonderful father and amazing with kids in general. It's one of my favorite things about him. We have great chemistry and have always had a close connection which is even stronger now.We make long term plans and he keeps saying how he can't wait to marry me (he's planning on proposing soon and has even discussed it with his mom) and wants to save up money together so we can buy a big house that will fit everyone. We both make a good living, (I make more than him, I point this out for context)and we could afford to support a family of this size.However, tonight he said something which is making me fall out of love.He has said it in the past and I think I didn't interpret it correctly before, but he made it clear tonight. When I told him how happy I was that my kids like him (I was apprehensive about them knowing about us dating in the beginning) he responded saying how he is a dad of 3 kids and he can't give my kids what he gives his kids.I asked him to elaborate and he said he likes my kids but doesn't have the capacity to be a father figure to them like a guy without kids would be able to. For example, he won't try to invest himself in their interests. This really hurts me because I adore his kids and am willing to make the effort to get close to them and I help care for them as if they were my own. He then tried to reassure me saying he cares about my kids because he loves me.I can understand it's overwhelming to have 6 kids in the picture but he was the one who was constantly reassuring me that we can make this work...but I don't think that sort of emotional distance will be ok with me.Now I think back to the time he told me he "hated" his ex girlfriend's son. My son (8) has some special needs and can be difficult at times and I start to wonder if he secretly hates him too. He promised to take him fishing and blew him off, later telling me "he probably would be bored anyways"These things pop into my head and I'm left wondering if I would be doing my children a disservice staying with him. Or maybe this dynamic is normal in some relationships and healthy? I'm confused and haven't had much time to process this. It's 1:30am and his words have left me sleepless.It hurts because he is a great, caring man and is very good to me and has been very kind to my children too. I would like to hear from other parents for your input on this so it can help me make sense of it.Thanks. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2wg314k
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