How do you get a five year old to listen, when he is immune to rewards or consequences?

I've posted here before about our stubborn five year old who refuses to be potty trained. His extreme independence and self determination is now extending into regular life to the point where I feel like it is spiraling out of control. To be clear, he is a very kind, social, and compassionate little guy, has no problem listening to teachers in preschool and lives to do nice things for others.But he only ever does something, if he wants to do it out of his own motivation. We learned to pick our battles, but there are certain things that are non-negotiable. Like brushing your teeth, leaving school when it's over, come inside when it's bed time, get ready on time for school, etc.We have tried rewards, even letting him picking out his reward, and tried consequences like losing screen time or toys, but those only work if he is interested in receiving that reward in that very moment. If he decides that he rather continues with himself a behavior than receiving the reward he wanted yesterday, there is nothing that will change his mind.Working with consequences doesn't work either anymore. He already lost iPad time permanently until he can have 3 days of following the basic rules we expect of him. He is already getting low on toys. I can warn him that he will lose another privilege if he refuses to brush his teeth again, he hears me, he understands, doesn't do anything, and then throws a tantrum when the consequence happens. He is getting very resentful of us, he says he hates our rules and doesn't want to do anything, he hates us. I'm worried that taking more privileges away will push us further down that power battle spiral.Rewards don't appease to him, consequences make him push back even more, how else am I supposed to discipline this child?! Reverse psychology works sometimes, or sneakily convincing him that he wants to do what you need of him, but it doesn't work most of the time. I also don't want him to feel like it is acceptable to only to what he wants. Life comes with rules and if you want something, you gotta give some. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2wqKHIZ