4 Kids, Had a Miscarriage, Wife Wants More

sighOur children are 15, 5, 4, and 2 years old. My wife (unexpectedly) got pregnant a couple months ago and we ended up losing it. We had a miscarriage 6 years ago as well, so this is actually the 5 pregnancy in 6 years.Our 5 year old was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes nearly 2 years ago. Having a child with T1D, though, is an incredibly huge responsibility. There's never a sound night of sleep. And if there is, it's because you slept through your 2AM alarm and you're a bad person. I'm not even going to go into how hard things are with Type 1. But now at least they are getting about as routine as they can be, as our 2 year old is out of her crib and we can take trips places, etc...The risk that our 2 and 4 year old can get it I have read is around 10-20%. (The 15 yr old is from a different marriage and probably less likely.) Point being, the responsibilities of Mom and Dad today can greatly increase if either, or both, siblings were to get T1D.I'll be 40 next year, and the wife is close behind. I struggle daily to keep my sanity due to the stresses of my life, and my wife and I constantly fight. I keep looking forward to the future where we can sit and take a breath, focus on each other, and enjoy "finer" things. But I'm still very much living in the moment and able to enjoy the amazing dynamic of my family.From my near-grown up conversations with my 15 yr old to the trying to figure out what the hell my 2 yr old is saying, every second is pure gold in my mind. It's just so hard. I'm ready to move on from the baby phase.Then the miscarriage.My wife already wanted another child, but now, after the loss, she feels an incredible void. I feel the opposite, and being faced with more responsibility, I'm more sound in my decision.We knew it wasn't a viable pregnancy about 2 months ago. She is wanting to "not prevent" a pregnancy. Though I feel that with our history of fertility, that's as good as trying.I don't see a middle ground here. I told her I wanted a vasectomy, and it totally devastated her. It seems drastic, but she insists on not using protection, comes on to me when she's ovulating, and we actually got into a fight about me pulling out. We've both forced ourselves into corners and are at different ends of the spectrum.It makes me feel useless to her as a husband. She asks how I can be OK leaving a hole in her that can never be filled.I feel like we need a mediator, but she won't talk to me about counseling. There is a list of reasons making me feel how I feel. But she feels that our family is meant to have another child, and if I don't allow her that opportunity then she is going to resent me the rest of my life.I don't know what kind of responses I'm looking for. Maybe I just needed to write this out. It is such a complex issue. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2w0nv1L