Is it worth it to repair my relationship with my mom for the sake of my daughter? Is it selfish to keep a grandmother away?

I'm going to try to make this short. I have a 3 year old daughter. I haven't talked to my mom in 5 years. We had a strained relationship since I started college (12 years ago), but I stayed in contact until 5 years ago.As far as what ended the contact, it's hard to point out a single moment.I was adopted from China as an infant by my (American) parents. They adopted internationally because they wanted to make sure I could never find my birthparents. They changed my name, my identity, and moved me to a town full of white people. I was picked on in school and had some racist extended family members. My parents would just say "sticks and stones" and would tell me that my grandpa is old and he comes from a different time. No one was ever held accountable. It was just on me to not take it too seriously. It was on me to defend myself. I took language classes, but my parents took me out because they thought it was too hard.I guess I never really bonded with my mom. She figured that because I was an infant, there would be no attachment issues. There were and instead of seeking out therapy, she just pretended that it was there when it wasn't.I struggled a lot with my identity in high school, but my mom could see it. All she saw was the girl who was vice president of honor society. She took me graduating at the top of the class to be a reflection on her. She thought it meant that I was fine. I have since learned that adopted kids are great at faking happiness. It's what everyone expects of us. To be grateful and we learn that from a young age. We know what people want to see. We know what our parents want to see and that's what we show them. Most don't dig any deeper. My parents certainly didn't.College was a time of self discovery. I went to a school with a high Asian demographic and realized how disconnected I was from that culture. I ended up joining an Asian heritage club and was able to travel to China. I asked my mom to come and she said absolutely not. That was hurtful.Over the years, we just lost contact. I stopped reaching out and she stopped talking to me. There was no falling out. We just stopped.I now have a 3 year old daughter who is curious about my mom. I have just been putting off the conversation. My husband said that it might be worth it to reach out to my mom for our daughter's sake. He thinks it's sad to grow up with out your grandmother. Am I being selfish here?Thanks for reading. Sorry for the length. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2pNkdx7