How to fix a bond with my child?

I emotionally cannot handle anyone being an asshole right now, I ask that you be gentle and not condescending.For context, I have posted this about my son in the past.I have four kids, ages 7, 5.5, 3 and 2. My almost six year old has autism and there are some behavioral issues that come with that. I am done, I'm exhausted. It doesn't feel like he's my son, it feels like he's somebody's annoying kid that hasn't been picked up from my house yet. He is breaking things in the house, sneaking things under his pillow like candy and other things that are not his, writing his name on everything our windowsill in his room is destroyed. It's so bad right now that nobody even wants to babysit him. His extended family stopped taking him for the occasional weekend. They didn't have to say anything I already fucking know. They still ask how he's doing etc.No consequence works. He has to leave his backpack on the table when he gets home to have it checked for candy. If I send him to his room he finds something to ruin. If I have him sit facing the wall for five minutes he does whatever he wants. You guys, I can't even go take a shit without something bad happening. He's an asshole to his siblings, he's mean to the cat, he sleeps maybe six hours maximum like he has whole life. I talk about him in therapy and she keeps saying I should do therapy with him or try alone time like just going out for ice cream and working my way up to a longer outing. I can't. The thought of it stresses me out, he will embarrass me in public and not listen. He is very well taken care of, I enjoy getting him new clothes and puzzles which are his favorite. I love my son and I know he must sense that I don't really enjoy being around him. What can I do? His isn't the mother I want to be and I hate myself for it getting this bad. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2qO6a8k