Sensitive, shy kids in a world of little jerks?

I just found out that my niece is being bullied by older kids. And, she doesn't really have friends in her own class.The main cause of the friendless-ness is just bad luck: her school is TINY, no one in her small peer pool seems to share the same hobbies, and she spends a big part of the day in an older class for an accelerated program. But the big problem is how she's internalizing the situation. She is a super shy, sensitive, people-pleaser type.I blame us adults for raising her to be too conscious of pleasing the adults. She'll do all of the "nice kid" stuff: introducing herself in a friendly way, using words to share, taking turns/being fair, defending herself without violence. She is great with her younger sibling and cousins and always praised by adults. She is always trying to please people and is very rule oriented. So when other kids reject her or are just randomly mean, it seems to upset her entire world view.I remember taking her to a well check when she was 5. She approached the communal toy area and really wanted to take a turn with this gear toy. We encouraged her to talk to the other kid using it. So she comes up to that kid and smiles and asks if she could please have a turn on this gear-wall-contraption when he was all done playing with it. All of the adults in the room were so pleased at how, you know, sweet and polite etc it was. Of course that boy just scowled and screamed NOOOOO and that was that. My niece didn't cry about it but she was withdrawn and melancholic for the rest of the afternoon. She would talk about that incident for a long time too. Like, "what did I do wrong?" or "I don't want to do that (ie talk to another kid) because remember the gear toy??" Lately she asks why SHE has to follow the rules/share/be nice when other kids do not but still get to play/have friends etc.I never know what to say to her. I say something like, "yeah some people are jerks but it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you." Or, "that kid wasn't playing nicely but I'm still proud that you were polite about it." And she gives me that skeptical side eye like I'm just another lying adult. Because that poor sweet kid has no friends and all of the adults keep repeating the same cliche advice. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2rTfFV0