Hello, parents. I need some advice regarding the behavior of my 5 1/2 year old stepdaughter. I have been in her life for the last three years and I can't say that I have seen much of a change in her emotional maturity, self-control, or behavior in general since she was a toddler.I understand that much of what she does is just a kid being a kid, but what concerns me is that she takes it to an extreme. For example, she throws tantrums almost daily. Out of a week, we will have maybe one or two good days. Every other day, it seems that her default is rebellious and hostile. Her tantrums aren't simply crying because she doesn't get her way. She will scream at the top of her lungs, hit and kick, purposely break things, and even try to hurt herself. I have seen these outbursts go on for upwards of an hour, and they will usually occur three or four times a day.Anything can set her off. Telling her it's time for bed. Not letting her have a piece of candy. Trying to serve food she doesn't want or like. Literally anything can and will send her into a screaming rage.She is also incredibly rude and disrespectful to both her father and myself, calling us "jerk" and "idiot" if we try to discipline her or tell her something that she doesn't want to hear. I get it that nobody likes being told they can't do something, and it doesn't bother me when she says "I don't like you", but I feel calling us names crosses the line.It seems that she simply cannot make the connection between misbehaving and being punished for it.The worst is the violence and aggression, though. If she is screaming and yelling and being disruptive, the protocol is to send her to her room. Nine times out of ten, she refuses and will have to be physically taken to her room. I have had to do this before and have been, like I said, hit and kicked, pinched, slapped, bitten.It just seems like this girl is so full of anger and I don't know what to make of it. Like I said, I understand that, at this age, kids are still learning how to behave in the world. But I don't think the extent of her reactions are normal. On the flipside, if she is not being hostile, she will be overly silly to the point of being obnoxious and intentionally trying to annoy people and will not stop until she gets scolded. Then it goes right back to the tantrums. It is very rare for her to have an "in-between", to just be in a calm mood.Recently, her father took her to her family physician to address her behavioral problems and was given a referral to a child psychologist, but was also told by the physician's assistant that her behavior is "age-appropriate". I was a bit shocked to hear that. It seems bizarre that a healthcare professional would say that a school-age child attempting to cause harm to themselves is normal, or that multiple, prolonged tantrums a day by a nearly six-year-old child is normal. I mean, this is behavior I would expect from a three-year-old.I do have children of my own and I have been through something similar, though not as extreme. My own daughter was a piece of work between the ages of about 2.5-5. She was defiant both at home and at preschool. "Strong-willed" was the term I heard frequently. It began causing problems at preschool until it got to the point where I felt we were no longer welcome. I moved her to a Montessori school at the age of five and, within a couple of months, her behavior completely changed. She's a really great kid now.So, I don't know if a big change will help my stepdaughter. She will be starting kindergarten this year and we are hoping that will help mellow her out but, in the meantime, she has an appointment with the psychiatrist in a couple of weeks. I'm very eager to hear what he has to say because, honestly, her behavior can make life pretty miserable for everyone else in the house. There have been so many occasions where we have wanted to go out and do something as a family but couldn't because she was misbehaving. Not to mention we have a 3 month old and I do get very worried that she will end up hurting him. I don't think she would do it intentionally, but she can just get so out of control that I don't think she realizes what she is doing.One final thing to mention and perhaps the most important is that her mother and grandmother both have severe mental illness. So, as you might guess, it is highly likely that she will grow up to have the same problems. I'm afraid that these behaviors are the beginning of that. More than anything, I just want to get her help now rather than let it get out of control as she gets older.So, that is my bit. What are your thoughts? Advice? Words of encouragement? I've always tried treating this little girl as my own and love her that way as well, but I'm kind of at my wit's end.EDIT: I just wanted to add that I have heard of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and, to be honest, nearly every single symptom for this disorder hits the nail on the head for my stepdaughter. http://ift.tt/1PGVkve via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2mMxiBX
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