I just need a shoulder to cry on today

My wife and I struggled to have children...killed our savings with IVF and now we're sitting on a mountain of credit card debt...mostly from medical expenses, some related to the aforementioned. We did have the best kid in the world...a rambunctious little four year old shares our lives and he's beautiful and bright and when he was a baby sometimes I'd hold him and just be overwhelmed and in awe that I get to be his daddy. Well, the other day we're in the car talking and it was about sharks or birds or something....I don't remember the path of the conversation and I always take my time and try to explain things to him in broad terms, in hopes of giving him a rational and broad view of the world. Anyway, he says he really hopes mommy has another baby and I asked him why and he tells me that it would make him super happy if he had a friend that lived with him. It stung and it hit me hard. We tried, man. Last year we were three months pregnant, had a checkup and things looked perfect. The day after the checkup things went sideways and we lost it. We've done the best we can and my child is flourishing and kind-hearted and loving, but we just aren't in a position to have another child financially. My wife has been out of work for over a year...a number of interviews, but seriously I just cannot understand it. It wouldn't bother me if there was family around, but we just don't have much family on either side. Anyway, I'm just really town up over it and I think his life would be fuller if he had a sibling. Many of our friends are having second children right now and it's just hard. I just needed to tell someone...even a bunch of nameless people on reddit because it's really been weighing on me. Maybe I should talk to my wife, but losing that last pregnancy was devastating...we go in and the doctor is doing ultrasound and fuck....he just breaks the news to us and...I fought in Iraq and saw things that still haunt me, but that single moment watching her face was the most painful thing in the world. I know I'm lucky to have a wonderful child and we've talked about adoption, but I think it's just a matter of the cost. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest strangers on the internet. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2KVelyz