Struggling Non Bio Mom

I'm a new mom in a same-sex marriage (I'm the non-bio mom) and ever since my twins arrived about a month ago I have had a range of negative emotions toward them. I feel so guilty. I know I don't have an ounce of love for them and if I could go back in time I never would have agreed to go through with having children. I often wonder if I made one of my life's biggest mistakes when I agreed to have children but never felt the need or want to really have them. I love my wife and I didn't want to lose her so I settled and agreed to move forward - otherwise she told me we needed to go separate ways.​My wife has been a great mom so far - taking care of all of their intimate needs (diapers, feeding (breastfeeding and formula), baths, etc) but I've settled into being the one that takes care of the households needs (cleaning/bills/etc), cleaning bottles, making formula and ensuring my wife has everything she needs to the more intimate work. I do very well with my current responsibilities (i.e. no intimate responsibilities). I'm also back at work after a 3 week leave so I sleep in the guest room away from the screaming babies at night. She's on a lengthy maternity leave and keeps telling me she is fine with this setup. She understands that my feelings are a bit out of whack and says that I simply need time to bond (like sometimes husbands need).​No matter what I do though I'm still filled with all kinds of wrong, guilt-inducing feelings. I feel like our lives are ruined. Sometimes I just want to run away from it all but I love my wife too much to do this (not to mention child support for twins). I'm miserable. I look forward to sleeping in the guest room...alone...with a fan on high so I don't hear babies. The few times I've tried to assist with trying to get them to settle down I've found myself overcome with rage and have to step away (bad tempers run in my family but I've never been witness to my own until these babies arrived). Last weekend, I had a breakdown - hyperventilated, nearly threw up and wanted to break something (not a human).​I'm so lost. Full of guilt. Wishing it wasn't this way and keep hoping time will heal all of this.I'm wondering if I have some form of PPD even though I'm the non-bio mom. This is the most difficult time in my entire life and all of these feelings and thoughts are really messing with my head.​ via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2zmP2xE