I am very overwhelmed right now as a Mommy. This is long and im so sorry...I love my daughter (10months actual), but so much has happened in the last year that think about all of it once really makes me start to panic. I am young (21 and husband is 27) but I really don’t think this has any bearing on my issue. She was a planned pregnancy and I do not regret it at ALL. We were initially pregnant with identical MoMo twins and were ECSTATIC. We sadly lost baby girl B at 9 weeks pregnant. I had HG. Early contractions from dehydration (19 weeks) and slowed fetal movement at 24 weeks. The slowed fetal movements got us sent to an MFM who gave us the stupidly rare (1 in 45,000 pregnancies) diagnosis of TRAP sequence at 26+4. Baby B was still growing due to blood vessels shared in the placenta and my living girl was pumping her blood. It’s one of the most gut wrenching diagnosis’s of pregnancy you can get. I was growing 2 babies-one living and one not living. It was too late to sever the blood vessels they shared. Still pretty upset about that because I had 13 ultrasounds between learning baby b passed and the diagnosis and not one time did they see the 10CM mass growing in my uterus. I was immediately hospitalized for 59 days. This condition usually does not end well for Baby A as they have a 50-90% mortality rate because their hearts give out from pumping all the blood for two babies. Every morning trying to find her on the monitor I was just begging the universe to let me hear those tiny thuds of her heart beating.She was born via a planned c section at 34+3 and had LOADS of premie problems. Even though she was 34 weeks and 5lbs she might as well have been a 30 weeker when it came to her organ development since she was working so hard to pump in utero. Her left lung collapsed when she was 36 hours old and I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared at any moment in my whole life than when they called and said she was crashing and I had to authorize life saving treatment. I was making her twins sisters funeral arrangements when I got this call. I thought she was going to die and I wasn’t going to be able to say goodbye. I have frequent nightmares of this moment. I couldn’t hold her till she was a week old. She spent 25 days and then spent 12 in a PICU for RSV that nearly killed her. I pumped exclusively for 4 months before having to stop and I still hate myself for that.She has Obstructive Sleep Apnea which involves waking up 15 times a night because she literally stops breathing and wakes up freaked out. I have idiopathic insomnia which means I have a very hard time falling asleep so the constant disruption means I’m on average sleeping 2-3 hours a night. Sometimes none. She has surgery next Thursday to have a total adenoids removal and a partial tonsillectomy. I’m friggin TERRFIED. This baby has not left my sight for more than 5 hours since I brought her home. I can’t imagine her going into a surgery and something going wrong and I’m not there to say goodbye. I’m getting awful anxious about it. It’s a minor surgery but with everything We’ve both been through no surgical procedures are minor to us. As if I didn’t already feel guilty enough a very important family member told me I’m doing this surgery for selfish reasons like so I can sleep more. NO. I just don’t want her not breathing in her sleep! She has 6.5 destats an hour. I’m stretched so thin. I’m a SAHM and college student going into nursing (decided to finish nursing degree to become NICU nurse after our stay). I have zero me time. I’m going to appointment after appointment and meeting with professors and trying to make room for my marriage. Idk if this is much needing advice as it is venting... advice is welcomed but not necessary. If you read this thank you... via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2oEyA5E
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