I hate my daughter...

I know this won't be popular and will likely be downvoted into oblivion but I really don't care right now. I just need somewhere to vent, preferably a forum that has other parents in it.I hate my daughter. There, I said it. It's the first time I've admitted this anywhere, online or offline. It pains me to say this but I have no attachment to this child. She's currently 4-going-on-5. From birth, I tried to love her. I'd hold her and try to cuddle her but she would cry...and cry...and cry. I spent many sleepless nights trying to care for her, to show her I loved her. She never gave a damn. My daughter never smiled at me or showed any affection towards me. My husband, on the other hand, gets all the hugs, smiles, kisses, and "I love yous". I don't know where I went wrong.From the moment she was born, I tried so damn hard to be a good mother. I went through hell during my childhood in an abusive household. As I would get beaten by my own mother, I'd promise myself I'd make any children I have happy and be everything my mother wasn't. Becoming pregnant made me so happy. Now I'm wishing I hadn't. I just...hate my daughter.I've shared my difficulties raising my daughter with her pediatrician, my own GP, my therapist. They all assure me that it would get easier, and betters. Liars. All of them.My daughter refuses to be around me. I want to play with her, and teach her how to read. She screams at me. I try to hold her, and she struggles in my arms. She's not like this with anyone else.My in-laws suspect I am being abusive towards her, and that's why she's so aggressive towards me. No, it's not, you fucking idiots (sorry but my in-laws are a nightmare in ways I won't get into here). My husband is also beginning to worry, and suspect that I'm doing something bad to her, not abuse but...something.I just feel like I was dealt a shitty hand. This is like a cruel practical joke that some God out there is pulling on me. I'm not a mother, I'm just a glorified nanny who just cleans up after my kid and makes dinner. I get none of the "perks" of parenthood, just the nastiness.I honestly just feel like running away. I want to leave my daughter and my husband, the latter because he just seems so suspicious of me and laments that we don't feel like a family. I've always had difficulties with people, I barely ever had any friends and I have issues with socializing with others, though I never thought that would extend to my own daughter.I just hate her. I'm frustrated. I don't even like her personality. My daughter is so bossy, nasty, and manipulative. She treats me so badly, and just takes every opportunity to show her hatred towards me as well. Only me. No one else. People seem to think I'm insane for saying this because such a "well behaved, kind little girl"...I don't know...I don't want to hate her. I want to love her but I'm so tired. Tired of her angry outbursts. Tired of her yelling that she hates me. Tired of crying and making a scene when I don't do what she wants. Tired of crying and making a scene when I try to do something nice for her. Tired of people acting like I'm an alien for feeling frusrated over my daughter's behavior.Can I just get some advice? Anything? I'm not expecting much because I'm sure everyone will tell me I'm a terrible mother and that I need to shut up and just love my daughter unconditionally...but I'm hoping for something to come out of this post... Thank you for reading. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2yeoa03