This is long but I would appreciate any advice. I'm about to have a meltdown over it.I have a 6 month old with my ex who is a verbally and emotionally abusive person. Before LO was born, I warned him if he didn't work on his yelling and outbursts that I would not stay. He didnt care. I finally left 3 months ago when it got too far. I had to move back in with my parents. He would scream at me or in my face while in front of LO and sometimes startle him. I know I need to go get custody paperwork at court to get this straightend out.Ex has been nothing but difficult, and rude since I left. I tried hard to work things out at firsr, such as suggesting counceling, but he didn't show interest. After I moved out, I had taken LO to see his dad, 40 miles away (about an hour drive), every weekend since I left. At the beginning for 2 days(id spend the night, hed sleep on the couch), and then only 1 day a week because he would get into bad fights with me.2 weeks ago he got mad because I looked at the data on our phone plan. He called me a racial slur and yelling at me, while holding LO, and that was the last straw. Its not just an insult to me but hello that means his son is also the racial slur he called me. I told him I wouldnt be doing him favors anymore. Now I haven't taken my son to go see him.He doesn't have a car because it broke down and doesn't have money to get it fixed. He didn't do a very good job holding onto friendships after getting out of the military so he doesn't have a ride to come and see his son. He would ask me for a ride to the grocery store and then when we would get back he would yell at me for petty stuff.I send him pictures usually daily but sometimes I don't just to see if he will try on his end. He doesn't ask for photos, rarely asks how he is doing, and doesn't FaceTime to see him because he doesn't want to see me.Today I had planned to take LO to see his dad. I woke up early so that LO would be tired a little later and nap in his carseat on the way there. He HATES car rides and will scream and scream until he is out of the carseat. I packed up all LO stuff, ready to go. Ex calls and asks if I can come tomorrow. His reason being that he wanted to catch up on homework and wants to facetime his mom (LO grandma) tomorrow so she can see LO. I told him that there will be lots of traffic and I already made plans to take him to his cousins house to go swimming.I told him that if I do come over that I would be hanging around the complex (go to gym and swim) and only come in the apt to pump and then id leave again. Well he doesn't want me on the apartment complex property at all. I don't know where I would go hangout all day. I don't have any money and I would have to pump every couple of hours in my car.Ex says He doesn't care and will come get him and buy formula. LO is currently exclusively breastfed. He has a dairy allergy so when he does have formula it has to be the hypoallergenic one. He hates the taste of it, hard or him to drink it. I don't want to just use frozen milk if I don't have to. I'm trying to pump to make a stash for when I go back to work but it's been hard.I've only been away from LO once for like 12 hours, once when he was about 2.5 months old. I get anxiety being away from him for a long time. I worry his dad wont know how to comfort him. Since LO has been born, Ex would just let him cry instead of being warm and soothing him.I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want my son to think I kept him from his dad. At the same time I don't feel he puts in all his effort. I'm so torn. I really have tried to be a mature adult toward him whole he tells me that he refuses to be civil with me. Am I being a bad mom? How do I handle this? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2wz8x2Y
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