Basically, my 13 year old daughter just asked me to buy her a car so her boyfriend can drive her into the city and to the beach this summer. The root of this request is a long-term boredom problem.So, we live in a 12 000 people town about 3 hours away from a city and beach. The public transportation is close to non-existent. My daughter is extremely adventurous and easily bored, to the point of it being a problem, and it is by no means a new problem. Here's some quick background. Up until age 10 we gave her books to help with her boredom. She was encouraged to play with friends and make adventures with them, but she didn't find any friends quite as adventurous as she is, and was often complaining that her friends didn't want to go on the type of adventures she would read about in her books. They also didn't have her perseverance. For instance, she would spend 12 hours a day building a tree house when they stopped after 1 hour.We tried putting her in girl scouts but after a few years she quit because a) the girls scouts were baking cookies and making a play when she wanted to be in the woods like the boy scouts, and b) when they actually did go into the woods there were so many rules that it ruined the experience for her (she wouldn't be allowed to stroll around on her own or use any of the tools to build things). Regarding, a) I just want to point out that this was not some sexist agenda the leaders enforced upon the kids, but rather they let the kids vote which activities they wanted to do and in girl scouts those activities consistently won.By the time she was 10 she was telling us she didn't want the school semester to end because she knew she would be bored during summer. We got her a laptop and video games. I tried hard to be present as she preferred spending time with me over her friends, I would schedule baking cakes, going on hikes, playing games and so on with her, but it was never enough, plus I and her mother work all day so she had to spend the days watching her younger siblings. Her siblings are by the way much easier, they play well with their friends, enjoy scouts, and don't get bored the same way our eldest does.It's not that she just sits at home. She plays on several sports teams and does many structured activities (provided by her school). She attends sleepovers and so on with the other girls on her sports teams and she is well-liked by her friends and teachers. But unlike other kids, she doesn't look forward to these social events and sleepovers, she rather considers them social chores she must do in an attempt to stay sane (she gets in a bad mood when she doesn't go out and see people). So, it was a blessing this year when she finally found a person that she really wants to see and enjoys spending time with. This person is a 16 year old boy who moved into town and started her class (he is a little behind in school due to moving a lot). I think it is the first person she truly connected with and they seem to be on the same wavelength. Since she started spending time with him she has been in an overall happier mood and very excited.Now, summer is coming up, and daughter is excited that she has someone to do fun activities with this summer but she thinks they need a car to be able to go places. It's not enough just borrowing our car on weekends. She wants to finally learn to surf (she has asked about this for years) and if they get a car they can go to the beach every day. This is a 6 hour drive 2 ways so she thinks they can either get a big enough car to sleep in or buy a tent so they can stay out for a few days. The list of things she wants to do if she can have a car is long. Museums, parks, trying a variety of activities in the city, and so on. She is super excited about the idea of having a car.My initial response to this was that she needs to save up that money or convince her boyfriend to save up that money and buy a car. Now, I know the boyfriend has been applying for jobs unsuccessfully for a few months. This is a small town and all unskilled labor jobs are pretty much taken, it's not just the boyfriend but an issue for all teens here that there isn't enough jobs, which daughter was quick to point out. She also mentioned boyfriend could really use a car in general if he is to be able to start playing on a sports team. It might even help him get a job. I don't know if my daughter's request is completely outrageous or if I'm unreasonable telling her to afford a car and gas on her own. If we lived in a bigger town with more things happening I wouldn't be buying her a car, but knowing her history of boredom and that she never liked this place, I almost feel guilty and want to help her have a fun summer.My wife's opinion on the matter is that our daughter needs to learn to be bored. She thinks our daughter is too demanding. My wife herself grew up in this small town and loved it, but that was 20-30 years ago when the industry was blooming and MORE people lived in town. She doesn't understand why our daughter isn't loving it and thinks she is just being a typical teenager. I don't know if the problem is with our daughter or the town and could use some external input. Is she spoiled or making a reasonable request? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2oYkn69
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