My wife and I got married almost a year ago. I'm 35, she's 40, I had no kids previously and she has three boys, 8, 11, and 14.I grew up in a big family and have lots of nieces and nephews so I've been around kids a fair amount of my life. Though I knew it would be difficult it's much harder than I thought.I've been experiencing near constant power struggles, they challenge me every chance they get. They are good kids (thank god) but often refuse to listen to me when ask them to do just about anything.I've tried pre-established incentives and what I think would be fitting punishments but I often can't seem to elicit any response without raising my voice to levels that I'm not comfortable with.There was one time that I literally could not get the two youngest off of the trampoline soon after my wife and I got married. She was not home and they had a friend over but we had a time critical event that we had to be to so I established a time to get off that they agreed upon. I gave them several reminders and warnings up until sure enough, the time came and went. I tried incentives, I tried threats, I screamed at the top of my lungs, the 11 year old literally laughed at me and said, "whatever inflammable, we don't have to listen to you."As a last resort I reached through the gap in the netting and grabbed his ankle pulling him half way off the trampoline. It didn't hurt him at all and he got upset of course saying, "Geese! You didn't have to do that..." when literally it was that or get the hose out, I could not think of anymore options.After that it seemed to break the spell and I got them into the car but scenarios occur like this often and I often feel painted into corners. It happened again just last night in fact though I was able to keep things calmer at least. Luckily the trampoline is one of the very very few times that things have escalated to that level but I often feel unprepared for these power struggles.I know that I'm probably looking at this wrong, and I don't want to be a control freak, it's just these situations arise in what I would consider very normal and reasonable parenting scenarios, and I don't feel like I'm the one escalating them.True respect has to be earned and I get that, but for now I would settle for respect of the title "step-dad" if nothing else. I really care for these kids and I do think that they care for me. I just want them to grow up to be better functioning adults then their father is, but I keep falling into ridiculous wars over ice cream where I know that if I give an inch, they're not going to listen to me when I tell them to get out of the way of a bus (which has happened more than once believe it or not).Any thoughts, concerns, criticisms, advice, books, podcasts, youtube videos that anyone wants to suggest please do. I want to be a good step-dad and I feel like I'm struggling.TL;DR Step-sons will not listen to me and I'm tired of going to war over things like picking up their underwear off of the couch. Suggestions please. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2rQ8ImT
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