My daughter's dad accused her of being a pervert

My daughter is 9 and in the third grade. I have not been with her father, who is married now with two kids with his wife, since our daughter was about three months old. He also has a son who is slightly older than our daughter, and who also does not live with him. My daughter is my only child.She normally would visit her dad every other weekend until a few months ago. This allowed her to see her siblings, and ideally see her dad.She is very close to her older brother and, sadly, abhors her younger siblings. For whatever reason she has decided she does not like them. I don't know if it's because they see her dad every day, or what, but whenever she is around them she tries her damnedest to shut them out despite her dad trying to force her to like them. But around her older brother she wants to impress and hang out with just him. Her dad says she follows him around, looks for him if he's not in the room, prefers to sit next to him, etc. Of her younger siblings, I'm told she snubs them, which has lead to talks from both her parents. I don't have siblings, but I can understand that given the age difference between older brother and younger siblings, she'd be closer to him and not them. I also realize not everyone likes or even loves their siblings.Her dad has a completely different parenting style than I do, and when my daughter has come home from her dad's to say this or that, I have had to bite my tongue because I can't tell him his parenting skills are not the best and please just try to get on as best you can, honey.But, up until a few months ago, shit hit the fan and he crossed a line that I'm having trouble dealing with. He called me during his weekend to tell me that our daughter was caught spying on her older brother while dressing, and therefore, she must have a crush on him. I was shocked and disconcerted that he implied that it went beyond simple curiosity, or the idea that our daughter wasn't thinking when she stood there. The problem is, her dad wasn't there when it happened. He heard it from his wife who said she heard it from the older son. He assured me he'd talk to her about boundaries, and I agreed to do the same when she came home the following day.Well, he didn't just talk to her about boundaries but asked her before the whole family, per his own confession, "Do you have a crush on your brother!?" to gauge the "truthfulness" of her reaction. She reacted poorly and said she did not have a crush on her brother. He is her brother! Yet, he took this as a sign that her reaction was made in guilt and it solidified any telling occurrences of her affection towards her brother being sexual in nature.He broke her. He humiliated her. She cried for nearly a week. I can't wrap my head around the very idea of him going straight to something like this. I just can't imagine why.She was dejected, ashamed, and confused thereafter. She refused to go back to his house until a couple of weeks ago. She visited for only the day, and didn't seem to enjoy her time.Then tonight her dad called for an impromptu meeting between the three of us to talk about what he can do to make things better when she visits. Well, let me tell you, that conversation lasted about an hour where I sat as a mediator while they talked it out. Then it circled back to "the incident" and he said he still feels she was being a creep, and that he doesn't feel it was her first time spying on a boy because he "knows how kids are these days." Again, I was-am-shocked at the implication. He said he was pissed when he found out one of my daughter's school friends, a male, has spent the night as "there's plenty of time in the late hours" to do things. However, the classmate slept downstairs, changing downstairs in the bathroom. My daughter sleeps upstairs with her door closed (her room is adjacent to mine and her door is noisy), and changes in the bathroom or her room, doors closed. Their sleepovers consisted of playing Roblox, or the PS4. He has spent the night at least twice since they were kindergarten together.Her dad seems to think our daughter is hardly innocent. He asked if we'd had the sex talk, which we have. My daughter and I have also talked about porn as I found Google searches for "anime porn" (hentai) on her phone, and the reasons why it is for adults only and the fact that porn can be dangerous (ie the type that makes the news). It was definitely a curve ball, but I trust her answer that she heard about it from school and was curious, though clearly guilty of hiding it. From that discussion she lost her phone for a month. Her dad doesn't know this, and given his penchant in assuming she's a pervert in training, I won't tell him.I am angry, and sad, and worried that my daughter's dad is either projecting or that he honestly views our 9 year old daughter as a whore. I want her to see his side of the family, but I also want to punch him in the face. I just don't know if her even going over there will be safe, as I know he'll watch her for signs to confirm his belief. I just don't know what to do to show him he's way off base.What CAN I do?Tl;dr My baby daddy thinks our 9 year old is a Jezebel via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2pGOGxa