Sunday, 21 May 2017

Do you see eye to eye with your SO about one person spending time away from the family once in awhile?


So, my uncle got married which was supposed to be fine. My SO, 2 yr old toddler, and myself were going to spend half a day at the wedding ceremony and dinner. We were planning on leaving shortly after supper so we could put the kid down for bedtime at his bedtime. My husband likes routine. Of course it's good for our son too. Fine plan, right? Well, after the ceremony my husband is getting sick of the scene; it's "lame" and our child is not having the best time (in all honesty he was doing ok). So let's go, my SO says, despite my protests. we agreed I could come back once I dropped them off at my in-laws, where we were planning on sleeping tonight. Once there, which is also where my inlaws are celebrating my SO's dad's 60th birthday, my SO thinks I should stay. Feeling the family obligations (to my own parents/grandparents/uncle), I feel I should go for dinner at least (which the three of us were supposed to attend), though the dance at 9 pm would be unnecessary, really. SO told me he highly disapproved of me going; he wanted us to be together as a family. but I went anyway. My inlaws completed understood and supported me in going. Maybe I should specify that I'm the working parent while he's the SAHD. So, he is alone with our son all the time. But, I felt that with the party going on there would be plenty of good food and good distractions for them both.It's a long weekend and this wedding has been on my mind for weeks. He knows this. Since our first plan of staying together at the wedding as a family was broken, then I feel it is fair that I decided to go back on my own (and initially SO said he didn't care if I did this, so long as he and the child didn't have to be there).Anyway bedtime came along for our son and it just kinda backfired because the noise supposedly was too much for him to sleep. So my SO demanded I come home (this was around 9) so that we could hit the road and drive the hour and a half home. He said my son was crying for me. Of course I felt bad so I drove the 40 mins back to my inlaws. I missed the dance but I don't mind that part so much. But he's pissed and I'm pissed. It just seems any night I occasionally want out, it gets ruined. He either texts me to get back home, or it doesn't work out for reasons xyz, etc. And he never helps me make things happen. I try to get him out as much as I can but we live in a small town (which he hates) that doesn't have much going on at night to begin with. Anyway, I may not be close to my uncle, but I'm frustrated he couldn't figure out bedtime on his own and at least be mildly encouraging that I go!! I rarely see my extended family all together.So, does anyone else have this problem? In general we get along so well but it is so excruciatingly problematic for me to spend a night out. He claims I'm never home and always going out. I get out for work, it's true, and aside from that maybe one or two nights per month. I'm not nursing anymore, my son is pretty independent and can handle being put to bed by others, but somehow it never works. Meanwhile I feel I have to miss out on some important things just because I have a child now, and I don't agree with that at all. I have an aging grandfather who has Alzheimer's and who might not even remember my name next year. It means a lot to me that I see him once in awhile. Am I asking for too much? What would you have done in my place?TLdr; SO left wedding early with toddler despite our plans to stay for the dinner. He was not impressed that I stayed to spend time with extended family while he tried putting our child to bed. He is the SAHD and frustrated that I seem to get out more than him, and yet is not keen on going out himself from time to time. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2rGZ86o

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