I grew up with a male best friend. His home was broken but not in the traditional sense. He was well provided for and his father was a pillar of the community. Only his family and me know the truth. His father had an explosive temper, would belittle his mother in front of him, gaslit and demean him in front of me. I cannot count the times my friend showed up outside my house at night crying and vowing to never be like his parents. (His father for his temper and his mother for her weakness). We are now both adults and live close to one another. I'm a mother and he is a new father. I work part time and he works for his father from home. We both watch our children part time and spend a lot of the day together. His son is now four months old and I'm beginning to worry. I bring my daughter over during the day and we will give each other breaks. At first I noticed that my daughter would be worked into a frenzy, breathless from crying when I would return which was totally out of character for her. A few weeks ago I came back from a thirty minute bath to find her mid way up the stairs while my friend was playing video games. His own son was crying and had a poopy diaper which was left because "he doesn't do the poop ones." As a result his son developed diaper rash. I decided to stop leaving my daughter unattended with him. It isn't his responsibility anyways. No big deal. But I kept up our 'play dates'. Until the other day when I was over making lunch for us and I heard his son crying in the room with him and my friend screams - so loud my daughter tensed - "shut the f#k up you little sht." And when I race in to help he has his hands on his sons shoulders and is an inch from the poor babies face, his own face beat red. His son freezes, then wails. Without thinking I push him aside and grab his son and work to comfort him. This is a baby. Young and defenseless and I'm mortified with just how much rage was written on his face and in his tone. I understand that it's frustrating but isn't this an extreme response to what I saw as normal baby behavior. I had some choice words for my friend and immediately left. I was shaken, but after a ton of apologizing and swearing he momentarily lost it and it wouldn't happen again shrug it off and chose to go to his wife. Ironically, he's married a women just like his mother. She listens to me before smiling and saying "that's just how he is. I don't leave him alone with the baby often because he loses his temper". When I remind her that he's alone with him all day she again brushes me off and says he's only really bad when he's tired at night. I can't stop thinking of that moment. His scream and the rage that mirrors his fathers. I'm scared and angry and I feel helpless. I know it is not my place but I am terrified for this baby because I know my friend better than anyone and not sure he wouldn't lose his temper and hurt this baby and I can't live with myself if that happens and there is a chance I could have prevented it. I need some advice moving forward because I'm not sure I can look my friend in the face but I'm also not sure I can abandon that baby. I'm considering offering to watch his son during the days when we are both home but I don't want to tip him off to my worry and I know it's a temporary fix. Is there anything I can or should be doing? Am I over reacting? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2mY4low
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