Suicide threats (very long)

So I've had multiple family related problems over the past few years but that's what throwaway accounts are for I guess. I'll keep this as short as possible:My wife and I were married when my stepdaughter (SD) was 6/7 and she's now 17 years old. My SD's father has serious mental issues (schizophrenia) that can be managed but he's more or less a child in a grown man's body. My SD has demonstrated signs of depression / anxiety for a while, in addition to just being a conflict prone person. She consistently attributes bad motives to other people, is very fast to hold grudges / cut friends out of her life, responds very poorly to instruction or criticism, and handles any boundaries / discipline poorly.My wife and I have consistently butted heads on how to deal with my SD. The SD has been in my opinion allowed to behave in an irresponsible and disrespectful way for most of her life. She has never had a household responsibility or chore, including cleaning up her own messes / room. She consistently misplaces / damages her things (new glasses, laptop, smartphone etc.). I understand these things happen and it's not cause for punishment but my wife will not impress upon her the importance of taking care of her things - my SD would ignore / stare off into space / throw a fit if called out on these things.This behavior has become worse as she became a teen culminating a few years ago in the SD screaming "F#ck you!" at me at the top of her lungs when I persistently asked her to put the clothes that we've washed and folded away in her own drawers. My wife at that time did not treat this seriously or want to deal with it and I finally told her I am backing off entirely and will not attempt to ask my SD to do anything around the house again. It was not getting me anywhere, the SD would absolutely not do the very few things I feel a child of her age should do, my wife does not have the stomach to enforce these boundaries and it was leading to marital conflict. So I told my wife we are clearly not on the same page and I'm just going to stop trying to enforce these boundaries.It's two years later and this behavior hasn't gotten any better and in fact has become worse. Partly because my SD has gotten a little older and is doing normal boundary testing but mostly because good grades have always been the one thing my wife has insisted on and my SD's have cratered, largely due to just not turning in homework assignments and cutting class. My wife had never in our 10+ years together punished my SD and she's been grounding and taking the phone away etc. often the past 3-4 months with no real improvement. The SD continues to not turn in assignments and cut class and responds as usual to correction, storming off / throwing things in her room / dropping f-bombs @ me and the wife etc. I have resisted the urge to give my wife the world's biggest "I told you so" but I have told her I think our lack of enforcing any boundaries earlier is partly responsible for where we see ourselves now.We agree that the SD needs some treatment. She has been in therapy for the past few years and we resisted entertaining medication at first but I think it's time we give that a try. Here's where I'll get to the point though:My SD's therapist left the practice recently so this week she went to see a new one and my wife accompanied her. After the session the therapist called my wife in and told her that my SD attempted suicide, which was a bit of a shock. When gently pressed the therapist said the SD strongly thought about it a year ago. This however is suicidal ideation and the therapist told my wife that she and I are to lay off and that grades, the state of the room, SD's behavior etc. don't matter now and our only focus is on getting her healthy.I expect to get clobbered here but I will be honest: I believe the depression / anxiety is a valid issue that needs to be addressed. However, my SD has consistently over the years pulled this out to excuse her behavior. This is her reason for not doing her homework and for cutting class. I have noticed though that her depression does not keep her from wanting to go out with her friends or skipping school to go walk around town. A few years back in the midst of some discussion she told my wife that she was "hearing voices" and when pressed she walked it back fast and it turned into she thought she heard something years back etc. I cannot help but feel that while this is a legitimate issue my SD is also playing this forward and that her therapist is wildly irresponsible to make this determination based on a first hour long session. Especially since my SD has been at this same practice with another therapist for two full years, and not once did the last one bring this issue to our attention.I'm really at my wit's end and I guess floating this out there to see if anyone else has dealt with this type of issue and if this is possible manipulation or if I'm just a callous bastard. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2lcGZhc