Conversations with my stepson

My ten year old step-son and I are cut from the same cloth, in that we love to banter back and forth about all kinds of stuff. Here are some memorable moments:Boy: "Can I have a chocolate?"Me: "No, not before dinner. And don't even think of taking one, I know exactly how many are in there."Boy: "How many?"Me: "I don't know, let me check."Boy: "YOU LIED! YOU SAY NOT TO LIE, AND YOU LIED!"Me: "I didn't lie, I told you an alternative fact."Boy: "That's the dumbest thing you've ever said. You've said some dumb stuff, but that was DUMB."Boy: "VeggieTales has gotten really bad." (note: the boy has, historically, loved VeggieTales)Me: "Why is that?"Boy, gesturing to TV: "Look, there's a bacon character now!"Me: "Well, just because he isn't a veggie doesn't mean he's incapable of empathizing with the veggies' plight. He's their ally. A salty, smokey ally."Boy: -_-Boy: "You're so weird."Me: "You gotta reticulate the spline, man."Boy: ::blank stare::Me: "You know. The spline. You gotta reticulate it. That's the secret of life."Boy: ::pause::Boy: "Pojut, what the heck are you talking about?"Me: "I'm talking about reticulating the spline. It's essential that you reticulate it."Boy: ::pause::Boy: ::nose pinch::Boy: "It's too early in the morning for this."Me: :DBoy: "Yeah well, you never know!"Me: "I'm pretty sure you'll never fly."Boy: "What about a jetpack?"Me: "The jetpack is the thing that's flying; you're just strapped to it."Boy: "....SHUT UP!"Me: XDThe boy and I, as we're getting in the car.Boy: "Hey Pojut, can we listen to that calculator song?"Me: "You...you mean Kraftwerk?"Boy: " Yeah! I really like them!"Me: ::sniffles:: "We can absolutely listen to it."Boy: "Hey Pojut, who would buy butt art?"Me: "I dunno, I'm sure someone would."Boy: ::pause:: "Maybe a proctologist?"Me: ::dies::Just before starting Naruto:Boy: "I dunno, this looks stupid."Me: "Just give it a chance man, I promise you'll love it."Ten minutes after starting Naruto::Boy stares slackjawed at the tv::Me: "Told you it was awesome."Boy, jumping onto our bed: "Good morning!"Me: "Good morning, weirdo. Remind me to wash our sheets today, they don't smell too fresh."Boy, sniffing deeply: "Mommy's side smells like flowers. Just wash your side."Boy: "Pojut, why don't we have any bacon?"Me: "Didn't you hear? Bacon is illegal now."Boy: ::silence::Me: "Oh yeah. SUPER illegal."Boy: "NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"Me (working from home): "Man, I hate it when I send an email that's supposed to have a file attached, but I forget to attach the file. It's so embarrassing."Boy: "Pojut....that sounds like an epic fail. Close the laptop, you're done."Me: "I just started!"Boy (putting a hand on my shoulder): "I know. That's the problem."Boy: "What if your butt glowed???"Me: "What do you mean? Mine already does. Doesn't yours?"Boy, confusedly: " Uh....no."Me: "Oh man, that sucks. We should prolly take you to the doctor, then, because your butt is supposed to glow."Boy: "....YOU'RE SO WEIRD."Boy: "Hey Pojut, do you think schools will be closed again tomorrow?"Me: "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it's Maybelline."Boy, after a pause: "I swear, I don't know how Mommy deals with you."Me: "Neither does she!"Boy: -_-::Incubus' "Wish You Were Here" playing on Pandora in the car::Boy: "What's the name of this band?"Me: "This is Incubus."Boy: "What's the singer's name?"Me: "Brandon Boyd."Boy: "Oh." ::pause:: "I like his voice. It makes me feel happy."Me: "Me too, kid. Me too."<3 via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2mgOWll