Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Might have to move away from father and 3yo to pursue a job offer.


Oh dear, I need some advice please. Throwaway because I am too embarrassed and apologies for the grammar and spelling, English is not my first language and my head is throbbing right now.This morning I got a fantastic job offer with a Fortune Top 10 company in another city. It's a 1 hour flight away from my current home city and they would not allow me to work from my home office very often, they want me in the other city full time. I could be home on Friday before toddler goes to bed, return Monday morning. That is if weather, strikes etc. don't get in the way of the flight schedule.I've been trying for 3 years to find a permanent job where I live. Prior to pregnancy I was self-employed and could chose to work remotely. The economy has changed and there simply is no demand for freelance personnel.I tried everything from changing industries to lower paid jobs. I tried working in a retail job for a while but I got so depressed and cried every night. I can't do it. Despite having great references I don't have a chance to find a regular office 9-5 job. There is anyways not a lot of employment here and most of it is start ups who are looking for cheap labour and expect long hours for no pay.I get told that my experience is too narrow or that I am over qualified. I had a few project's that paid well, tried my hand at a retail job (ended up crying every night) and apart from that lived off my savings and nearly depleted my retirement savings.To keep it short, I need this job and I want this job. I need it for my self-esteem and I need to get our finances back on track. Yet I cannot expect of my husband to move with me as it would destroy his career. In the year before our son was born, his business partner betrayed him and he too was living off my savings the whole time. He just started his first proper 9-5 job too and he is thriving in it. This month is the first time that he can provide fully for his family including all rent and utility payments and pay some debts back to me. He is a musician and used to be a successful party promoter prior to his business partner running away with the money. So he had a rough time, too.Daycare in our current city is for free, in the other city it would be around 800 Euros per month which would be a big portion of my paycheck that we need to get our finances back on track. I therefore would have to leave my son with my husband and pay for a nanny which would cost less than daycare in the new city.I need to decide quick but I can't think straight. What kind of horrible monster would leave her toddler is all that I can come up with. What will this cause to my toddler? Will he be traumatized? Will he hate me for abandoning him? Will he have learning difficulties because I am not around anymore?I need this job for my own sanity too. I have been so depressed whilst unemployed after having worked hard to get to my position. I'm getting distracted by thoughts such as: It's your own fault, should have thought about that before moving here, should have not had a child, should have not dated this man, should have, should have.I passed on a great job offer last year in a different country and I often regret not taking it. But at the same time I don't want to miss those moments that make being a mom and having a family so great. Can I still be a good mommy if he only sees me on Skype during the week and then on the weekend?Can anyone relate and give advice? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2bBzOel

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