Trying to be a better parent!

So this might end up being long but I just need to lay it out...My childhood was pretty bad, abusive pill popping mother, gambling addict drunk father. My parents split when I was 2yo and my mom had custody, dad would come to visit sometime (at his convenience) or took me to my grandparents over summer etc. as he had no home of his own. I was often beaten (especially if I was too loud when my mom slept, which was all day most of the days), went hungry more often than not, slept in the same room where my mom had sex with random men and woke up to witness it happening, mom never cooked so unless my grandmother made something (she lived with us for a while) I was forced to do it myself from a young age and that is if there was something to be made. There was a lot of things I did (especially in my teenage days) I'm not proud of but I had to do to "survive" and provide for my younger sibling (different father, his father hung himself before he was born, I found him) . There is soooooo much more I'd like to get off my chest but I won't go into more details because I hope you get the picture.I got into a serious relationship with an older man when I was 17 and had my first child at 19yo. I was not a great mother, I mean I did my best but I had no idea how to be a mother. Continued to have 2 more children and struggled really bad to care for them as I had no help or guidance whatsoever, all of my "friends" especially mom friends had similar backgrounds and we couldn't learn much from each other and my husband had worked all the time and was rarely home to help.Fast forward to now, I'm 30yo and have moved on a different continent, been diagnosed with mental illness and working on that, found a job in childcare after being (mostly isolated) stay at home parent for 10 years. - I'M FINALLY LEARNING HOW TO BE A BETTER PARENT! As crazy as it sounds but social media, internet, books etc were helpful to the point but actually learning from other moms and people around me who seem to have it all together/have been trained in child development etc. has been VERY helpful! I don't yell nearly as much as I used to, I don't spank at all. I'm trying to teach my children to communicate better and process their emotions, voice their opinions and stand up for themselves... be their best self towards themselves and the world! All the things I was never thought and kinda didn't even know how to do up until recently, but as I'm learning I'm trying to pass on to my children better ways than we had going on so far.Sometimes I wonder is damage already done, will I still be able to make a difference now or is it too late but I'll keep learning and trying... luckily I still have some hope left.Sorry if there is mistakes, English is not my first language. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ZIT9CW