Realised I hate being a parent TW. Mention of abortion.

Hi all, never posted here before so sorry if I break any rules.My lo is 10 months and though I love lo with all my heart and would do anything to protect her, I'm starting to realise that I hate being a parent.Lo was a surprise but abortion was never an option. I hated my pregnancy and I found it difficult to bond with lo for the first two months.Now that she's older I thought everything would be fine and I'd settle into the mommy role but I haven't. I'm back to work and I love it. I love being my own person and talking to actual adults. And when I get home dh and I only have 2-3 hours with lo before she goes down for the night.Here's my problem, for those 2-3 hours I'd rather have dh look after lo and I make dinner, tidy up etc than have me looking after her.Don't get me wrong I don't leave it all up to him, we 50/50 the parenting thing, we alternate and I give her baths, feed her, we 'read' together, practice words, play hide and seek (throw a t-shirt over her face and ask Where's lo to which she promptly yanks off the t-shirt and starts laughing), we're teaching her how to walk so I'll hold her hands and let her walk around the house, I play games with her etc all the usual stuff. But I honestly feel burdened by it sometimes.It's especially bad at the weekends when dh is working and I'm at home all day with her. I try bring her for walks, to the park to go on the swings, to family for visits so they can see her and she them, but honestly and believe me I'm ASHAMED to admit it, I do all of this so that I don't have to be along with her all day on my own.THE GUILT is real. It kills me knowing I'm a shit mom and I don't enjoy being a parent. I'd love to be one of those parents that loves spending time with their kids and don't get me wrong there are definitely moments when I do. I love it when her face lights up when she smiles or laughs. Or when I pick her up from daycare and she's so excited to see me. Lo deserves the best of me and I do try give her everything she needs. Dh reassures me that I'm a good mother but by my own standards I have failed.I have always wanted kids and I still do want another one, but knowing I can't be that kind of parent is just making me feel like a pos.If anyone has any advice on what I can do to get past this, or how to be an actual mother I'd much appreciate it. I want to change and be everything my lo needs.For those who want to comment saying I'm a shit mom, please don't, I already know it.TL:DR. I love my daughter but hate being a parent, what can I do to change that? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2HTGUID