I know that this is a controversial topic but I feel my experience is worth sharing in case there are other parents struggling with this.I come from a home where my parents whipped me with a leather belt when I got in trouble. Even for things as simple as leaving a damp towel on the floor after a shower. On bad days, I was whipped so hard that I had bruises on the back of my thighs for weeks. I was whipped until I turned 16. This caused me a huge lack of trust for my parents. Still, I loved them and didn’t want to go through with reporting them out of fear they would be jailed and it would be my fault the family was torn apart. I left my parents house when I was 18 and my relationship with them improved slowly over the years. I am 27 now.I have one child, a son who is about to turn 6 years old. I am ashamed to admit it, but for the first 3 years of his life I spanked him whenever he misbehaved, but every time I would feel incredible guilt afterwards. Still, I told myself that since I wasn’t using a belt like my parents did that it was fine. Spanking became an immediate response whenever he was acting up, like any toddler does. One day shortly after his 3rd birthday he did something (I honestly can’t even remember what it was) and I spanked him, hard. Afterwards I sent him to his room where he cried himself to sleep. As I calmed down, I felt waves of regret washing over me. I went to his room to check on him and he was asleep in bed, hair disheveled and tears dried on his face. I felt a surge of love in my heart. I gently woke him up and when my boy opened his eyes and looked into mine I saw fear. He trembled in my arms. He was afraid of me. My heart felt shattered. This is exactly how I felt when my parents would come to “comfort” me after a beating. What the hell was I doing to my child? How could I put him through the same terror my parents inflicted on me?I broke down and sobbed, apologizing to him. From that day on I swore I would try every other option for discipline and never spank again. At first it wasn’t easy because spanking had become an immediate response for me when he was acting up. My anger was my enemy. I found resources online about successful ways to discipline children without physical punishment. I learned to put him in his room and go into my own room to allow myself to calm down before going back and talking with him. I told him how I felt (in words a toddler could understand) when he misbehaved and explained that I would be taking away privileges to teach him about the consequences of his actions. I reminded him that no matter what mistakes he made I would always love him and that I believe in him. I told him all the things I wished I could’ve heard from my own parents. I learned to control my anger and my patience became stronger.As time went on my son became more well behaved than he had ever been during the time that I spanked him. It’s been almost 3 years since the day I swore to stop spanking and I couldn’t imagine feeling the need to do it again. When I discipline him, I discipline him with love and make sure he understands why it’s happening and what he can do to improve the situation. I never feel guilt or regret because I know I am not crossing the line. My relationship with my son is stronger than ever and I feel as though I am simultaneously healing my own heart through my relationship with him. I have become the parent I dreamed of having as a child.*Children do not need to be physically punished. They need love and patience. They need to be spoken to with respect even when being reprimanded. They need to trust that their parents truly love them and would never harm them. Spanking only undermines that trust. I hope any parent reading this that understands this struggle finds the strength to never return to physical punishment. * via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PH5P8I
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