Fussy eating and parents disagreeing on approach

Hi my 4 year old is a super fussy eater, but she is happy and growing and putting on weight ok. At daycare there is no issues and she will eat, I’d say being around other children helps. So many people tell me not to stress and that it’s normal and something they eventually get over. My husband and I have extremely different approaches to how we handle meal times. It’s becoming an issue for me and I am starting to get anxiety when my husband is home because I know what’s ahead. I am the gentle type, I’m not going to force feed or make eating a negative experience. If she doesn’t like what I offer I find something else usually a sandwich that she will have. Sometimes she doesn’t want anything at all. Yes I will admit it’s frustrating at times. But I prefer this as it’s calm and not stressful. He on the other hand prefers a more dominate approach, talks more assertively and tells her this is what you’re having for dinner. She doesn’t respond well to this and they end up clashing and arguing. He then tries to get me in on it and agree with him and say “yes it’s not good not to eat your dinner” and then she gets terribly upset and ends up eating nothing anyway! He gets annoyed with me when I don’t get involved and says I should support him. Now what I have noticed the past week she is terrified to ask him for food. She still likes to have milk here and there and he doesn’t agree that she should have it. She will come to me and whisper it and then be nervous if he is around to have it. This made me furious! She should not be frightened of her own father to ask for something! Tonight she had a sandwich and some grapes later, she didn’t finish all her grapes but came to me asking for milk. He got stern and said no you can’t have milk until you finish your grapes. She got upset. I let her have milk and she told me please don’t tell daddy I am having milk.What do I do? I’m at my wits end with this. We have talked about it many times but it doesn’t seem to be making any difference to how he’s acting towards her about it. I shouldn’t be feeling anxious at every meal time and she shouldn’t be scared of him and I shouldn’t have to give her things in secret!I am doing my best as a mother and he’s making me feel like I’ve failed this area. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/352NOFy