Feeling suicidal because I can't provide for my kid. I feel like the world's worst parent

Using a throwaway because I'm just so embarrassed about my situation. I left my kid's father because he was abusive (see here this was a common thing in our household) I got a no contact order where he can't talk to me. I've done everything I can to protect my child from being abused by their own father the way I have. I went to a women's shelter. I had our personal belongings stolen. I applied for all the welfare and went after my ex for child support. I was told he would only have to pay 30 dollars a month because he has no income to garnish. Hell half the time he can't pay then that.My kid is 2. She's perfect. When she sees me cry, she tells me "don't worry mommy, I got you" and hugs me. I hope she doesn't remember all the times her father yelled at me, or broke my things or the time he slapped me while I was holding her.I hate that I can't give her all the things I want to. I stress myself out to the point of giving myself headaches and I vomit from it. I go days without eating to make our food stretch longer for her. I can't remember the last meal I ate that wasn't butter with rice. My water is in danger of being disconnected and her father doesn't give a shit.I've been tempted to shop loft before to make sure she has her basic necessities. But I don't want to risk getting caught and her going to her father while I Rot in a jail cell for being irresponsible. But god it's so hard when I have to fucking count pennies to buy a small pack of diapers that last maybe 2 or 3 days.Sometimes I think I should kill myself. That my baby will go into foster care and be ok. I want to do better for her. I wish I could do better for her. I'm a shit parent and I know it. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2PG2Ddw