Finally realized why it’s been difficult for me to show affection

I’ve been the guardian of my 10 yo niece for almost 3 years. At first, I felt a lot of affection for her and obviously empathized deeply with her awful situation. During the first year, I began to feel like my niece knew that people thought she was very cute, and was quite well-behaved in public and that was great. But at home, I noticed she used that cutesy behavior to get her way and negotiate.I subconsciously started showing and feeling less physical affection towards her. She’s less needy now, but gets most of her hugs and kisses from my fiancé’s mom, who is basically her grandma. She spoils her and lets her get away with a lot because she has always wanted grandchildren.Don’t get me wrong, I still show my niece love through activities and the usual. We take her to the movies, out to dinner, buy her toys, read together, bake, and do outdoor activities together too.Last night, I realized the reason I’ve been withholding the cuddly type of affection and it’s hard for me to show is because her mother (my older sister) has always used physical affection and flattery to get her way and manipulate people into doing her bidding. I have developed an emotional wall in order to not enable and be used by my sister. But I didn’t realized it carried over onto her daughter.I feel sad that I didn’t realized this sooner. It’s not my niece’s fault that she’s picked up some bad qualities from her mom. It’s only natural that she would emulate her mom’s negative behavior as she gets older and becomes more aware of how she can affect people. Luckily we are already in therapy and working through things together. Just wanted to share. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ZcI60i