Need help with my sassy 3 year old

I know testing limits is pretty par for the course at this age but my husband and I are getting so frustrated when dealing with our daughter. Don't get me wrong, 90% of the time she's the best kid ever but the minute we say or do anything she doesn't agree with, or god forbid we tell her not to do something she wants to do, watch out! She just shuts down and doesn't listen or care about anything we have to say at that point. No amount of words or punishments seem to get through to her. She hits/kicks, says mean things, mocks, or straight up ignores any direction that we (or any authority figure) gives her. I will say, to this point I do feel that as parents we haven't been the most consistent in consequences/punishments but we're really hoping to change that and I'm really just hoping it's not too late and we haven't created a monster. We've tried time out, that worked for a little while, then that didn't seem to phase her, we have taken away privileges, etc. didn't matter. Recently, after feeling like we'd exhausted any form of punishment we could think of we resorted to spanking. I was a child of abuse and while I feel we are in no way abusing her (it's never hard and she just laughs at us when we do it) it's not effective either and I know there has to be better way to show her that we are in control and she needs to do as we say.I guess I'm just looking for 1. It gets better stories and 2. Tips/advice via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2cqsBxn