Like the title says, my wife, Catherine, and I have been married for eight years. We dated for three years before that in college and have had our ups and downs like every couple. We're both workaholics, very stubborn, and used to getting our way, which can cause problems if we’re not careful. Over time we’ve learned when it’s best to agree to disagree, and when we really need to sit down and talk things out. Unfortunately, I'm really not sure which we need to do this time.Two months ago, Catherine gave birth to our daughter, Elizabeth. It was an easy pregnancy other than the vomiting in the first few months. Catherine was able to work up to the week before her due date, which was one of those things we agreed to disagree on. She works in a lab, so I had safety concerns, but she did raise practical reasons for staying as long as she did.Another thing we agreed to disagree on was maternity leave. I wanted her to at least take the full six weeks off because I figured she would be exhausted. I had accumulated enough paid time off that I could be home as well, so we could work together to really learn Elizabeth and what she needed. She went back after two weeks, which was more of a compromise than I expected but less than I hoped for.I'd say we work really hard to split taking care of Elizabeth fairly equally. We decided together not to do breastfeeding; with her job it just wasn't practical, and she didn't seem keen on the idea anyway. Every other day we alternate who wakes up for nighttime feedings. I go into work later than her so I take morning duty, but she gets home earlier than I do so she takes evening duty. During the day, Elizabeth stays with my MIL, who lives with us.When we're both home we share the workload, and that's where the problem comes in. I've noticed that unless Elizabeth is in active need of something (feeding, changing, a bath) or crying, Catherine really doesn't have anything to do with her. Even if she is crying, unless it's for a real reason (like being hungry or wet), Catherine doesn't do anything to soothe her.I know that babies sometimes cry for no reason, and that picking Elizabeth up every time she cries could reinforce the crying, shouldn't she at least pick her up and soothe her a bit? Plus, even when she's not crying, Catherine doesn't interact with her. I've seen her reading more than once while holding her, which I guess is fine but it just seems... off?I can't help compare her approach to my own (which is definitely more interactive/doting), or even my MIL's approach (which involves constant talking to Elizabeth, very affectionate). I wonder if this is just a difference in parenting style or if it's something I need to be concerned about now - and if it is a concern, how do I bring it up in a way that doesn't end with us agreeing to disagree?tl;dr: My wife doesn't seem very interested in our daughter of 2 months. Is this just a difference in parenting styles or should I be concerned? If it is a concern, how do I bring it up? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2cNWy6P
No comments:
Post a Comment