My little Edmund was born just two months ago, premature but healthy! It's a surprise baby, didn't planned at all. He was moving on towards wanting a full relationship after a divorce, I was not available for this. After decade of abuse, frail mental state and major setback in life, I believed that I was not the right person for him in that sense. How could I be a normal girlfriend, if I was not normal? Well, Edmund decided that pills and condom couldn't stop his parents to conceive, so here we are.I was unlucky during the pregnancy and the last 3 months I was forced in a strict bed rest, which meant moving in his house with little plan or talks. But, we managed. He started to be more anxious towards the end and nearly break down during my hospitalization and the few weeks of NICU.He didn't bond with the baby. He is present, helps and play with him, but I can feel the disappointment in his eyes sometimes. At the beginning I believed that it was my fault. We were cold to each other, polite and our relationship didn't make any romantic progress. We were good roommates waiting for the arrival of their baby. Maybe since we didn't share our emotions during the pregnancy, he felt disconnected by it?But yesterday, something changed. He is working from home and decided to "delay" his paternity leave. There was a very boring zoom meeting and a lot of people he managed had being disturbed by equally bored lovely kids. One of the main bosses asked about our baby since he didn't had the chance to show him off.Edmund was very quiet and well behaved. He even smiled (not really a smile, more like a grin), he had his superman sweatshirt and didn't cry for over 20 minutes, he was very interested in engineering stuff and reports.For the first time since NICU, he insisted to have him skin to skin again in the afternoon, he was constantly talking and playing with him. They watched some Netflix together while I was napping and pumping.And to see him this morning, super eager to change him and calm him in the early hours. Doing it with a smile, instead of a worry look, makes me cry of joy a bit. I love him very much and to see him loving this fatherhood thing finally, it's a blessing. Even if in the end, he doesn't love me and we go to separate ways, I would always be grateful to have him as father of my little boy. I never believed that my heart could love so much! via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2WOR2Lf
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