This baby was very much wanted. My husband and I underwent IVF with PGS - the works. I know how lucky we are that it worked. I know that. I should be counting my blessings and powering through these sleepless nights. This is my third child. I should be a pro. Honestly, I’m fucking clueless and I feel worthless.Why don’t I remember my first 2 kids being this hard? Because this is really hard. Is it because I’m older? Do other parents forget and that’s why they have more kids, too? Is it amnesia? How did I forget how freaking hard this is?My PPA is insane right now. I can’t talk to my husband because he’ll roll his eyes. I can’t talk to friends because I don’t have time and I’m honestly embarrassed by my intrusive thoughts. I’m working with my psychiatrist but I think I need to up my meds.I’m a clinician and work with developmentally delayed children. Since birth, I’ve been analyzing my baby’s every move, wondering if he’ll be typical or not. I had a traumatic birth and delivery so here I am wondering if that will affect the way he’ll develop and if I’m even strong enough to handle the struggles that will come with that. I should be loving on him and enjoying him. Instead, I’m worried sick. I came across an research article today linking IVF to developmental delays. Just what I needed.I’m disconnected from everyone. My husband talks to me and I’m present but I don’t know what he’s saying. My older kids are here, but I’m not paying attention. I’m so withdrawn and uninterested. I feel defeated. When my baby is awake, he’s crying. He rarely sleeps and he’s restless all day. I feel like the worst mom. How did I forget how hard this is? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2prk0Cy
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