My son died 5 years ago today.

I’ve thought about posting this all day but honestly didn’t have the energy. I had twins a little over 5 years ago....one twin is a happy and healthy 5 year old while my other passed away at 14 days old to necrotizing enterocolitis.I watched my 2 week old son go through 2 surgeries. I watched him have tubes shoved down his throat and so many IV’s put in they had to go into his legs and forehead. I had to sign an emergency do not resuscitate for my little man. I held him as he took his last breath, I watched him turn purple, I cannot ever rid this image from my brain.I want to be more articulate in what I’m typing but I can’t. I’ve been super articulate explaining my emotions today and deep and now I just want to word vomit my feelings. I’m so hurt, every year it seems to hurt more or I just become less adaptive.Idk what I even want out of posting this. I know today should be a day of memory not mourning but I can’t shake this pain. I’ve tried, and my body and brain don’t let me even when I forget what day it is....I’ll think it’s the 3rd and my brain and body still make me hit this wall of just....emptiness. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/34tFoGY