For her, a big part of the need for order that comes with autism has always manifested as extreme phobias. Spiders was a huge one. I think it started out with bathrooms in general when we tried to potty train her. She was absolutely terrified of toilets, and she saw a spider in the bathtub once as she was trying to do her business. Ever after, she was convinced that spiders always inhabit bathrooms.In preschool, with much help from a wonderful and incredibly patient teacher's aide, she got past her terror of toilets, but she never got past her fear of spiders, or her conviction that there were always spiders in bathrooms.So, for most of her life, she has had a ritual for going to the bathroom: first, she would put on her snowpants and snow boots, then she would open the bathroom door carefully, and check the back of it to make sure there were no spiders. She would check every surface and corner, behind the shower curtain, towels, washcloths, soap dispensers, toilet, faucets, and plunger. Then, finding no spiders on the plunger, she would pick it up and use it to check behind the lid and under the seat. Then she would do her business and wash her hands and come out of the bathroom to remove the snowpants and snow boots. We had to send snowpants and snow boots to school with her even in May, so she could use the bathroom.On Friday, I had the kids weed the flowerbed. I gave them each a section that they would be responsible for. The other two are both older - 11m and 14f - and they are both really kind and patient with the younger one. I told the little one to get her snowpants and snow boots, because the roses had attracted a lot of daddy long legs spiders. While she was inside putting those on, I asked the older two to encourage her, and to show by example that the spiders are not scary. When she came back out, I told all of them they would get ice cream afterward for a job well done. Ice cream is a really big deal to our kids, because my husband and I are both diabetic and we both have quite a few family members who are also, so we are really careful about the kids' sugar intake.I stayed out of sight, so the little one would have to be brave on her own, but I was just around the corner, so that I could hear everything and come running if I needed to. They were only working maybe 3 minutes before the little one came screaming and running to me about a spider. It took a couple of minutes to get past the mindless panic part, but when she could listen again, I asked her to show me where the spider was so that I could kill it. She held my hand and hid behind me, but she went back and showed me. I killed it (I'm sorry, harmless spider) and told her she had been sooo brave to come back and show me where the spider was. Then she said, "Mom, I need to take a break." I said "Okay. You don't need to do it within a specific timeframe, you just need to get your section done."She came back out of her own accord maybe 7-10 minutes later, and went back to work. So I went back to work myself, around the corner, and waited. The second time, she came to me without screaming. She was really stiff, like she was being electrocuted, and the whites of her eyes were showing, and (I'm a terrible person) I had to really try hard to not laugh. But her voice was calm, and she told me there was a spider again and could I please "stomp it." She showed me where it was, and I killed it, and I told her she did such a great job staying calm and not screaming, and just asking for help. And I meant it - no matter how adorably funny she had looked, that was huge. Until then, she had never been calm about even the thought of spiders, much less a real live one.A few minutes later, my son said, "Holy sh- I mean, you did it! Holy crap! I'm so proud of you! I'm so proud of you! I'm going to give you half of my ice cream, you'll have all of yours and half of mine, holy crap!" I came around the corner to see him just letting her go from a hug, and the little one smiling so big. She said, "I did it, Mom, I stomped it!" And my older daughter gave her a piggy back ride, shouting, " SHE'S THE WINNER! SHE'S THE WINNER! SHE KILLED MORE SPIDERS THAN WE DID!" in a singsong voice. Most of the neighbors didn't respond, except to kindly not call the cops on us with noise complaints, but two came over and congratulated her.After that, they kept a tally. The older two were "sharing" the spiders they found with the little one, so she ended up winning, with four kills. Then they had ice cream. She has the snowpants and snow boots where they have been for the last 7 years, but she has made a lot of bathroom trips since Friday afternoon, and has not put them back on once :) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/31UEvVM
No comments:
Post a Comment