I saved my son's life yesterday, then yelled at his older brother. I feel horrible.

This has been an insane, emotional rollercoaster of a week. After posting a few days back about a major issue with my eldest son's best friend, my wife's very close friend passed away, and then this.After a very stressful week from the other two events, we went to my in-laws' place to go for a swim and decompress. We all swam for about an hour before we went inside for some late lunch when my wife and in-laws went to the funeral.When they returned, my MIL wanted to swim again, and so did my eldest son (H, 5 y/o) and middle (L, 3, almost 4 y/o) son. I was sitting inside with my 2 y/o son watching Blue Planet 2, and my wife was warming dinner for the boys. All of a sudden, I hear my MIL say "H, help L" in a forceful, but not a panicked voice. Then I hear "H, HELP L!" in what sounded like something very bad was happening.I went full dad-mode. I jumped out of my seat, sprinted out of the house to see L's head bobbing up and down under the surface of the water with H frozen in shock because he doesn't know what's going on. I run into the pool full speed, fully dressed, grab L out by his underarms and sit him on the side of the pool. He's crying (good sign) and then I do something that I feel horrible for. I turned to my 5 y/o and yelled "When your grandmother tells you to help L, you help him!" I knew as the words left my mouth that I was completely and utterly in the wrong. He's only 5 years old for crying out loud! If he did try to help, the most likely outcome would have been me saving 2 of my kids instead of 1.I never yell. At all. I was so scared and the adrenaline was surging, and my sweet boy ended up as my outlet. In the past 24 hours, I've probably apologized to him 100 times. I told him after we all calmed down that I wasn't mad at him and he was so brave and I know how scared he must have been seeing his brother like that. He told me that he was scared then said "But I think you were more scared than me."I talked to him about how much daddies love their kids and how seeing any of my boys in danger is the worst thing I can imagine. We recounted the scene from The Lion King where Mufasa saves Simba and Nala from the Hyenas. I asked him if Mufasa got upset because he was mad or scared and he said "He was very scared." I told him I felt like Mufasa that day. He got it, told me he loved me and that it's okay that I got upset.We've talked about it more since then, and he's okay, but I still feel like crap for yelling at him. He takes things so seriously and I know he looks up to us so much, so this is killing me. I just wish I could take that moment back.In terms of what happened, I didn't ask for the details at the time, and I don't really care yet. All I know is that it wasn't excessive negligence, but trying to be in too many places at once with the kids. Thankfully, everyone is okay, and we are going to have much stricter water-safety rules going forward. There are a million safety precautions around the pool (big double-locked gates, double-locked doors, a kiddie gate.....it's fort knox), but now we'll need more for when we're swimming with them too. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/32ax4Kh