My 13yr old daughter hasn't spoken to her biological father in approximately 7 years. She was born my freshman year of college, and we were together until she was 2, maybe 2 1/2. While we did live together during that time, he was never involved. I took care of her and juggled school while he was still trying to live his frat boy life. After we split, it was the same. We lived about a mile apart but he never saw her or spent time with her. After kindergarten, I graduated and he dropped out and moved across the country for work.Around the time he moved, he decided he wanted to talk to our daughter about once a week. He'd call or try to Skype with her, but he only ever talks about himself and she wasn't really interested. After a few months of this my daughter told me she didn't want to talk to him anymore, that he was a stranger to her, he didn't care what was going on in her life. We had a little discussion about it, and I told her that it was up to her and she could resume talking to him whenever she wanted. It has been this way ever since. I met my husband when she was 7, and we've been together ever since.I can't lie, I was more than happy to shut him out of our lives. He was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. It took years for me to undo the mental damage he inflicted. For years I thought nobody would want me, a single mom with a kid. I have severe anxiety and a horrible self image. I can't have an argument without completely shutting down. I've saved hundreds of text messages about how I'm a whore who will never amount to anything, white trash who'd be better off dead, how he should've punched me in the face when he had the chance. The gaslighting to make me seem crazy was enough to actually make me think I really was crazy. It would take me days to plumb the depths of my brain and tell you all the horrible things I endured, but I'm trying to be brief.Is it possible he's changed? I suppose it could happen, but I really, REALLY doubt it. It's more likely that unicorns exist. However, it's not my decision to make. She can talk to him if she wants. That's what I'm telling myself anyway. I just have to be here to clean up the aftermath of when he inevitably disappoints her. I'm trying not to think about it while I sit here at work, but I am constantly tearing up and I'm definitely not going to get anything done today. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/30EAt3y
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