If your little one had surgery or something really scary happen to them - how long until you (the parent) were 'okay' after? Possible trigger warning on this.

Hey moms. My baby recently had surgery and I am not okay from it. My little one is recovering well, and I am so so fortunate that the surgery went well and every doctor, nurse, surgeon, etc was just beyond amazing and caring and kind to us.That being said, I am fucked up from it. I mean honestly fucked up. I have been sleeping on my baby's floor next to his crib since it happened over a week ago. The hospital we had the surgery at lets you go with them until they go under, it was a big reason we chose this hospital, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was really important I be there with him.That being said, I was in no way mentally prepared for it. I put on scrub like things to go back with him (only one parent is allowed to go back), carried him back and into the OR and I swear I almost fainted once I walked in and I am not a fainter. I remember seeing this little baby blanket on the operating table for him to lie on, and his name on the white board with his surgery info and it was just all a lot. I held him and his arms down while the gas mask went on and I comforted him the best I could. Obviously he hated the mask, I guess they all do at that age.And then he started to go unconscious from it. The way it was explained to me is that the gas makes their mental state turn off, but not their body completely, that's the iv which is placed after the gas works because he's a baby. Once it started to kick in, they had me lay him down on the table. His eyes rolled in opposite directions and his legs kicked in a really almost unnatural way? I dont know how to describe it. But seeing my baby like that on an operating table, omg it broke me guys. When they had me leave he was "sleeping", eyes closed and peaceful looking. I think I looked back 10 times while I was walking out the OR door with the nurse. Just at my baby unconscious lying on an OR table under the bright lights.I'm not okay. I should be okay. He's okay. The hospital was so wonderful. I'm lucky, I know I'm lucky. But I wake up in a cold sweat nightly picturing it all. When I sing his favorite song, the song I sang to him as he screamed from getting the mask, I am not okay.I don't know why I'm not okay yet, and so I guess I'm writing this all to see if anyone has had similar reactions to it, and if so how long it takes to feel okay. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Ys7SgI