I broke the cycle.

My mom was raised in an abusive household. Love was never mentioned and she was frequently beat and yelled at. I was raised in a slightly better situation. My mom never told me once “I love you” first but if I said it first she would reply sometimes. Praises were rare, and to be honest I remember none. When she was angry, our heads were hit and she told me she hated me so many times along with how she hated having to be my mother. One time I was late to meeting her while doing farm chores, which weren’t fun, and she hit me for 10 minutes. I remember because it was all the way into town and I was in my seatbelt upfront. I kept telling her I had no idea of the time (I was doing physical chores at age 12 with no watch or clock for our farm). She pulled over and pointed at me, “You will never realize how much I hate you. I could never love you”. It was always things like that. Emotionally abusive.I was always terrified I’d be the same to my kids. I share a short temper that I feel inside. I just had my first huge incident. My 4 year old son took a drink of my water bottle then set it in my school bag upside down. I always set it there because it was a intern/school day and he knew it was a school day since I told him. He put it in without closing the lid. When walking to the car with him, I felt moisture on my back. My 13 month old (1 month past warranty) laptop was destroyed. I immediately knelt down and hugged him. I began to cry and when he asked why, I said it’s because I love him so much. And to be honest that’s the truth. I realized I didn’t care. I couldn’t blame him. I’m an intern with no income, no savings, no way of affording this, and the new laptop I have to have for online school will cost $1,000. But he is worth it. I’ll go to the library till I have enough saved up.Maybe it seems like I’m bragging. I guess I am. I’m just relieved. So relieved. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/30lDO6T