I think my 8-year-old is developing borderline personality disorder

I've been suspecting for a while that she is depressed.Her father has borderline personality disorder (low-functioning), and her early childhood was more chaotic and inconsistent than it should have been.A child cannot be dxed with BPD, but I did find a list of childhood behaviors that could indicate future development of BPD, and she fits a high number of symptoms. Most of these are new behaviors, developed within the last few months or year or two. Among them:(DISCLAIMER: For the last 9 months, I have been very consistent with routine and discipline. None of this is happening because she is undisciplined.)Hard time experiencing pleasure: This is why I suspected depression. She has a restless undertone to her that feels to me like she is just passing time. She plays and does other things, but it's more like she attempts to entertain herself vs. enjoy herself. I will watch her laugh and play with other kids, and then when I ask her if she had a good time, she'll think about it say, "I don't know," or "Not really, it could have been more fun." When I tell her I saw her having a blast, she'll say, "Well maybe I did have fun but I don't feel like I did." She also doesn't know what will feel fun to her, according to her, and is always disappointed when she goes to activities or meetings with friends thinking she will have a fun time.Difficulty separating from people: She does not want to be alone. Ever. When we're home, she needs to be with a friend, if she has one over, or with me constantly. I mean she will sit next to me or shadow me literally all day long, and will stay up as long as possible to avoid leaving me to go to bed. She's not afraid, she says, she just doesn't want to be alone. Sometimes I force her to play by herself, in her room, and she will come to the bottom of the stairs and yell up to ask if she can come up now, every five minutes. If I send her outside, she will do the same thing through the window. This behavior is really new, she used to enjoy playing alone and going on walks by herself.Difficulty with changes in routine: One time, my mom was visiting. While they were hanging out together, soon before bedtime, I fell asleep on the couch, I was exhausted. My daughter apparently screamed and cried (at 7 years old) until my mom woke me up, because my daughter couldn't go to sleep before I tucked her in.Demanding nature: Just like she needs to be with someone all the time, she needs to be engaged with someone all the time. I have to multitask a conversation with her while I'm doing my work. If it becomes clear to her that I am not focused on her, she will yell my name over and over, or loudly "hurt" herself to redirect my attention back to her. I feel sad for her because she is exhausting to be around, and it pushes away friends and family members who she was once very good friends with.Sensitive to criticism: Anything that can be interpreted as criticism, she will stomp off, slam her door, and cry, even as I'm trying to explain to her how it isn't criticism. She just needs a moment to collect herself, I guess, but it makes for some difficult-to-navigate situations in public or at friends' or family members' homes.Unstable moods and intense emotions: Just like with criticism, any slight whatsoever will hurt her feelings, and she will stomp, slam, and cry.Prone to bouts of aggression: Will "joke" with other people in mean ways, both verbally and physically, and when "joking" physically, will use more force than necessary, and seems to enjoy the indignant reaction.)Poor impulse control: But she's a kid, so it probably isn't abnormal.Loves you one day and pushes you away the next: Can be sweet and loving one day, aggressive and rude the next. On the bad days, it's obvious she's having a difficult time with negative emotion, and she'll just say she's "having a hard day," which is her code word to me to take it easy on her behavior because she isn't trying to be mean.Less restful sleep patterns: Will talk, cry, and wail in her sleep.Easily frustrated: Will get frustrated very quickly when something isn't going the way she wants, and gets emotional or slam things (which I'll tell her very firmly is not okay, and then she'll do her stomp slam cry and come back emotional).Problems eating: I'm not sure what this means in the context of this list, but she is painfully picky. Her list of acceptable foods has grown to razor-thin. I always thought that kids will eat what's in the house, but I have watched her not eat literally all day and cry because she was hungry and can't or doesn't want to bring herself to eat what I was offering. And it can be an acceptable food but still unacceptable because it's the wrong temperature or texture.Trouble learning: Again, not sure what this means in the context of the list, but she is dyslexic and doesn't read at grade-level.Until now, I have chalked up anything that seemed abnormal to me spoiling her, as an overcorrection after her early childhood. But now I realize that counts as inconsistent parenting, which is another flag for high risk of future BPD.I'm so scared that I doomed her for life. I know the misery her father went through, and what he put (and puts) everyone he loves through, and it is devastating to think that she may have the same issues. I feel like a horrible parent and a horrible person. But this is not about me, I just want to be able to help her now. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, professional help is what we need, so I guess I'm not looking for advice (but will take it if you have any). I guess I just needed to share my thoughts. Her dad doesn't co-parent with me (because of the same disorder I'm concerned she's developing), so I don't have anyone else to really bounce this off of. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2d3Hg2z